I have achieved a strangely zen-like state of being both skinny and non-toned at the same time, so I have made the decision to get back into shape, thereby transforming myself into a perfect physical specimen not usually seen outside Brazil.
Being a reasonable yet charming sort of person, I (of course) look suspiciously at any of these trendy diet and fitness plans splattered all over the trashy magazine section. The all-grapefruit & yoga plan? Not for me! Pilates and organic juices? Too troublesome! Eating sensibly and moderate exercise? WAY too extreme!
Today was Day One of the New me.Breakfast
1. one-half grapefruit with grape centerpiece (vegetable/fruit serving for vitamin C)
2. one extra large chocolate chip muffin (for fiber and one vegetable/fruit serving since everyone knows that chocolate comes from a plant)
3. two pieces of bacon (for protein)
4. one hot tea with plenty of cream and sugar (for dairy and and additional vegetable/fruit serving since everyone knows that sugar is from a plant)Lunch:
1. one bowl of berries (vegetable/fruit serving with more vitamin C!)
2. one large chunk of manchego cheese (protein, dairy)
3. one hardboiled egg (protein)
4. one fruit popsicle (vegetable/fruit serving)Midafternoon Snack:
one slice of cheese pizza (vegetable/fruit serving, dairy)Dinner:
1. home-cooked steak stuffed with sundried tomatoes, feta cheese, spices (protein, vegetable/fruit serving)
2. one artichoke with hollandaise (vegetable/fruit serving)
3. salad with cucumber and mango and poppy seed dressing (vegetable/fruit serving)
3. one baguette (fiber)
4. one glass red wine (vegetable/fruit serving)
It's quite obvious that I am ahead of the game, so to speak, as I am practically overdosing on the fruit and vegetables!Gym workout
1. leafing through trashy magazines
2. chatting on cell phone
3. one half hour on elliptical thingy
4. ten minutes of arm machine things
5. a couple of situps
Not only are the physical benefits of this regimen absolutely amazing, but the psychological benefits are also enormous! I am already beginning to resemble Angelina Jolie as I type this post!
I really can't stress enough the wonderful benefits of this sort of program. I shall soon be the envy of all who meet me....