Italian For Beginners

It's rather sad. After meeting Anna's friend Simone, I attempted to dredge up what little remained of my university Italian. I managed a few comprehensible sentences, but finally had to give up. Besides "C'e' qualcuno qui che parla inglese?" (is there anyone here who speaks English?), I can remember a few useless words and phrases -- mostly for cursing at taxi drivers and fending off gypsies.

I have constructed dialogue based entirely on some of the few things I remember:

"mamma mia! dove è la stanza da bagno??" (gosh! where is the bathroom??)
"non sento" (I can't hear you)
"merda!" (shit!)


"ho fame. dove è la fragola? (I'm hungry. where is the strawberry?)
"non lo so" (I don't know)
"è pazzo? ma che! (are you crazy? Nonsense!)


"Attenzione!" (watch out!)
"ma che cosa?" (what's the matter with you?)
"la camera è sporca!" (the room is dirty!)
"merda!" (shit!)


"andiamo alla spiaggia" (let's go to the beach)
"perchè" (why?)
"perché ho un costume de bagno rosso" (because I have a red bathing suit)


"Ho un piccolo libro" (I have a small book)
"è buono?" (is it good?)
"no" (no)
"merda!" (shit!)


"mi lasce in pace!" (leave me alone!)
"perchè" (why?)
"perché ho gamberetti grandi!" (because I have large prawns!)


"aiuto! desidero un piccolo caffè" (help! I want a small coffee)
"no" (no)
"perchè" (why?)
"odio i pattini" (I dislike your shoes)
"merda!" (shit!)