Sunday, May 15, 2005

Super Buffet, or "Oops! Did We Really Eat That Much?"

I was a bit tired today after shaking my dainty little booty at last night's annual Tropical Heat Wave extravaganza, which is really the place to go if you want to listen to a variety of loud music, drink beer with aging hippies and make fun of pimply teenagers.

To recover from the anxiety of crowd squishing, I decided to join my friend Carlos The Puerto Rican With A Twist for a little light Sunday brunch at the Super Buffet.

As everyone knows, the buffet is an American institution-- the bigger the better, and with a national status somewhere up there with Cars, Mom and Apple Pie. If you have never eaten at a buffet, you are un-American, and quite possibly a French Communist as well.

The Super Buffet, or as I like to call it, the Food Pornography Buffet, was chock full of Chinese-Italian-Japanese-Mongolian cuisine and jello. They had everything from sushi, spinach lasagna and egg rolls to chilled crab claws, stir fry, chocolate pudding and General-Something-Or-Other Chicken with fried rice.

We ate and ate and ate and ate. In fact, we ate for America. But not quite as much as the other diners did, I'm afraid. Carlos and I would have eaten more, but we were afraid that the other diners would eat us if we loitered for too long. So we fearfully waddled out the door.

I didn't eat for the rest of the day. In fact, I'm never eating again.

My fortune cookie for today read: "Don't expect romantic attachments to be strictly logical or rational!", which is certainly food for thought. Of course, it could have just read: "Don't expect romantic attachments whatsoever!", which is certainly likely.

Good Night


Anonymous rhodent said...

If they ate you, you would be but a dainty morsel! That is, of course, unless you continue eating at buffets!

10:57 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

I like buffets like the one you mentioned, providing the sushi is fresh and the wasabe is tasty. You might be right about the danger of being consumed...I have observed such behavior during the noon hour when food sources were running low and the growling mob decided to prey upon the weaker of the grazers. Not a pretty sight, but quite tasty with a little soy sauce.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous editengine said...

You went to one of them there fancy buffets. Take a drive out to Plant CIty and at Buddy Freddy's the all you can eat fried chicken and banana pudding are the culinary highlights. Imagine a fifty gallon tub of banana pudding and the kind of people that think that is a good meal....

Of course I haven't been to Buddy Freddy's since I was kid but I can't imagine it has changed that much!

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Frally said...

I love a good buffet. I get paranoid that people sneeze in the food though

10:58 PM  
Anonymous weary hag said...

People watching at buffets is the best in the world. There might be something to the old adage "You are what you eat." For this reason alone, I refuse to eat crab or mutton. I do however, enjoy the occasional brussels sprout. Egad, what the hell does that say about me?

10:58 PM  
Anonymous rainypete said...

Why is it that no matter the buffet, whether fancy or dead plain, there is always Jello. No matter what style of food, there is always some kind of jello tthere. Is this wobbly substance really international or is it a consiparcy by the jello people to force the product globally?

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Vile File said...

I love Las Vegas for its buffets alone. Buffets everywhere you look. One can then oink out quite happily at a different buffet every night, without fear of the wait-staff recognising you as the one who had fifteen servings of crab-legs.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous jamie dawn said...

Oh, the joy of a buffet.
I always overeat at those. There are just too many choices.
They really are hog troughs.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Ron said...

No attachments at all? I wander lonely as a two by four.

11:00 PM  
Blogger L said...

Rhodent: I shall remain dainty then, because I don't know if I can handle another SUPER BUFFET

Mark: I'm glad you survived!

editengine: thanks for visiting-- I've been to Plant City, but not to Buddy Freddy's (not sure if I could handle it)

Frally: I wouldn't eat there if they didn't have those sneeze guards, but I still don't like to think about it :p

WearyHag: You're not wrinkled and green, are you?

rainypete: it's definitely a conspiracy

ms. vile: if I can eat 15 servings of anything, it is definitely the crab legs.... or the oysters... or the caviar

jamie: oink!

Ron: I may have decided to join a nunnery, but I will keep everyone posted

11:00 PM  
Anonymous happyy and blue said...

The Tropical Heat Wave thing sounds like fun. Except for the loud music, hippies, and pimply teenagers parts.
In Canada we don't use sneeze gaurds on our buffets, or feed holes as we call them, as they cost too much. Here they just give everyone a kleenex at the start of the line. Unless you are wearing a long sleeve shirt. Like that would ever happen,tee,hee..

11:01 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

You didn't post today so I was wondering why. It's not like I noticed there wasn't a new post or anything but I noticed there wasn't a new post..

You didn't run off to join a nunnery or anything did you. Nuns don't shave their legs or watch their figures. And they read books all day while eating bon bons under oak trees and such. And they have to wear hats all the time. And they sip wine while they watch the soaps on tv every day.
So it is not for you even if your fortune cookie said you would never have a relationship ever again. Some fortune cookies are wrong. Well they could be wrong. Ok so they are always right. But that's no reason to give up.
Well it is, but it's not a really good reason. And even if it is, that's no reason to become a nun. You could become a spinster instead.

Hope this cheered you up.
I know I feel better.

11:01 PM  
Blogger L said...

Happy&Blue: you are way too funny. you should start a blog or something :)

11:01 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

I wish I had the fortitude to power through buffets like in days past but I've weakened in my old age.

11:02 PM  
Blogger L said...

yeah, me too

11:02 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home