Tuesday: I Brush Up On My Italian

As I posted previously, my once-scintillating Italian language skills had sadly diminished over the years, causing me to languish in complete and utter despair; it was really quite distressing, as I was no longer able to give attractive Italian men such useful compliments as "avete muscoli belli" (you have lovely muscles) and "La cena era squisita. Cosa c'e' per dessert?" (Dinner was delicious. What's for dessert?)

Not only that, but I don't really think I've been nerdy enough lately-- so I've enrolled in a five week Italian language course, which also involves wine, dinner and gelato.

The instructor, Roberto Alvarez, is quite pleasant. We have only had one class so far, but already I am re-learning how to charmingly introduce myself to good-looking men and request coffee. Roberto has also given us some very useful tips for navigating the language divide:

1. When dining out, make sure to order carne (meat), rather than cane (dog), or you may have an unpleasant experience.

2. It is perfectly fine to request burro (butter) when dining in Italy. However, please remember to refrain from ordering burro (ass) while in Spain.

3. Do not address Italians by the personal tu (you) unless you know them very, very well. Otherwise, you may have hordes of irate Italians chasing you down the street and throwing handfuls of pasta al dente at you.

Unfortunately, Roberto stated that he will not be teaching us how to swear. Luckily, I still remembered most of those important phrases, so I taught my partner how to say "Screw You!" (vaffanculo!) and "Shit!" (merda). He was quite grateful and rather thoughtfully brought me an extra glass of wine.

Added bonus: by the time we were finished, it was too late to go to the gym! Yay!