Friday, May 20, 2005

Get Thee To A Nunnery!

Mood: Charmingly Pensive
Outlook: Unpredictable, but certainly Fashionable
Forecast: Possibly Alarming

Recent Activities: Drinking Irresponsibly until 3 a.m., Flirting Inappropriately, not practising my Italian, eating an entire pineapple upside-down cake, skipping art shows and using slightly vulgar language. I have also continued to look for a new place to live; however, I will no longer be having a housemate as that could lead to complications, or possibly Complications of a rather tricky sort.

The question for today is: should I get me to a nunnery? I have picked up some rather unbecoming habits, so perhaps I should exchange them for a different sort of habit altogether...

Are nuns allowed to eat chocolate bon bons while ogling scantily clad men and reading trashy novels? Would I be required to attend church and learn Latin words like scabies, siccus and sordesco? That seems like such a bother. Are nuns ever allowed to wear non-sensible shoes and underwear? And what about exotic cuisine and swearing? Things like that are important to know.

Nun Lifestyle:
1. No nookie
2. No alcohol
3. No late-night shows with odd people
4. No inappropriate behaviour
5. No fashionable clothing

Current Lifestyle:
1. No nookie
2. Slightly too much alcohol
3. Lots of late-night shows with odd people
4. Occasionally inappropriate behaviour
5. Gobs and gobs of fashionable clothing

As we can see from the brief analysis above, the celibacy requirement would be no problem. However, I may be unable to meet the remaining requirements, due to lack of willpower.

I shall have to Seriously Consider the question.

Updates later

15 Comments:

Blogger R said...

None of what you say bars your entry into a nunnery if in fact none of what you say matters. Possibly you could be the beginning of something new in nun land. Or maybe you could consult with any of Jennifer Cruisie's fine novels for a way of laughing about your current dilemma. Meanwhile out here on the west coast (CA not FL), we find that a sure cure for most things mental is doing something physical.

7:08 PM  
Blogger L said...

I am beginning to think that nun of this really matters.... so perhaps a convent is really not the best choice for me...

11:36 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

Definitely should not become a nun...however, if you must, I think you should really consider starting your own order that incorporates all aspects of your current lifestyle sans the one about nookie.

The church needs a little kick in the butt that your order could definitely provide.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Ron said...

When you make yourself a nun, the rules are slightly more relaxed. But don't expect any birthday or Xmas cards from the new pope in Rome. You could appoint your own pope, or run an election on your site. Most of us aren't really too familiar with this pope, anyway, so what the hell. You don't seem to be at any risk of being arrested for having TOO much fun, so be bold.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

Well you seem to have some misconceptions ther... ALL of the nuns I know are no strangers to dringking... Rmember Sr. Josephine? Her favorite drink is a Fuzzy Navel. I am sure that most of them could easily outdrink YOU! Also, they don't have to wear habits any more... just street clothes. Since most of them are older, you usually see more conservative dressing... on the other hand I know one nun who loves to wear jeans and large dangly earings... she is a hoot...AND a feminist. Also, the nuns I know can be very much fun late at night... some of them are going strong when I am ready for bed! They do hang out with odd people... theyre are a lot of odd and quirky Cathlics out there! Don't judge them all by your mother!
No nookie is correct... that is true.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

Nun of this and nun of that doesn't sound like much fun.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

I helped found a nunnery once... the sisters of St. Margarita. They all seemed to have quite a bit of fun...

10:47 PM  
Anonymous frally said...

You should join the isterhood which my Aunt is in. I dare anyone to try and find a cooler nun, ANYONE! She drinks, she swears and she plays Scrabble very well. She also eats a lot of chocolate. She definitely did when she stayed with us! I think you can do quite well to be a nun in Australia, they're very laid back.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous editengine said...

If you become a nun and DO want some nookie it is still pretty easy to get it.

Just dress like an alter boy (ba-dum-PA!)

10:47 PM  
Anonymous comfort addict said...

Just say no to being a nun. Change what you want to and accept everything else. In DBA speak, there's no need to go to fifth normal form.

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Gistabalta said...

No nookie can lead to bad habits. Just say No to nunnery.

10:48 PM  
Blogger L said...

Yes, perhaps I shouldn't try joining a convent... but creating my very own order does sound quite interesting. Maybe one that REQUIRES nookie and alcohol would be more my thing

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Othersideblue said...

hi .. I live like an ancient nun if you want to know.
Wrapped up in cloths.. no alcohol .. no going out with odd people ,etc ... the rest I leave to your imagination.

It's cool you like to read. Nowadays people dont care about books much, they just strech & yawn lazily in front of TVs bored. agh.

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Othersideblue said...

Forgot to leave my link .. this is it.
Bye & Good luck

10:49 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

I bet nuns can still eat bon bons. If that's the deciding factor.

10:49 PM  

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