Friday, March 18, 2005

O'Happy O'Belated St. Patrick's O'Day and Luck O' The Irish To Ye

Don't you just love festive toilet paper?


My friend Holly and I decided to celebrate St. Patrick's Day by drinking a certain quantity of wine and beer at a bar called Mad Dogs And Englishmen, which sounds horribly dangerous but isn't, really. The consumption of alcohol was for purely scientific reasons, of course, and was accomplished with a rather studious attention to detail and quality comparison. We determined that Guinness is good for you and that it tastes much better when actually drunk in Ireland, but that wine is also good for you and should be applied quite liberally when required.

You just can't be too careful these days.

As many know, the Tampa Bay area is just littered with fake pubs like this, usually with names like Something-O'Malley's or Finnegan's-Something-Or-Other. They're usually full of perky yuppies, Guinness, and Very Large Breasts, which frequently knock over innocent bystanders and cause rather unpleasant injuries.

We had a wonderful time, but perhaps should have gone with Steph and Anna to their little pub crawl in Dunedin; they hung out with muscly men wearing very short skirts and twirling fuzzy drumsticks. Holly and I saw absolutely NO men with short skirts and fuzzy drumsticks, which was quite disappointing.

She and I waxed nostalgic about our girlhoods and reminisced about her recent Elvis-filled nuptials, during which I was amazingly Stylish and wore an incredibly large hat. We discussed my upcoming trip to Graceland (I will dress up as Priscilla and my brother will dress as Elvis), the wonderful attractions to be found at the Liberace museum, and the charming qualities of the Flying Elvi. Many slices of non-delicious pizza were eaten, intoxicated Asian women were seen banging on doors, and only a very teensy tiny bit of alcohol was actually spilled.

Near the evening's end, an extremely tan young man came over to flirt with us a bit, but promptly ran away after Holly tipsily told him that I don't own a television.

And that was that.

Today the grocery stores are full of bright green loaves of bread, green cookies, horribly green bagels, and pale green cakes with green icing and green sprinkles. It all looks quite nasty.


Blogger theomorph said...

Yeah, not owning a television is about as toxic as being an atheist.

"You WHA--??!! I'm sorry, I think... uh..."

<kevinspacey>And like that... she's gone!</kevinspacey>

8:47 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

I wish I had known. I would have let you know abouth "The Shrine." The Shrine is the place that many of the Irish priests go because they have Irish sports on cable. There are also a lot of other Irish men that go for the sports. Lots of good Irish food and drinks. If you ever think you are interested, let me know and I will ask the fellas what the real name of the place is... all I ever hear them say is... "Sorry, can't do that, I have to help with the services at the Shrine."

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the Memphis/Ocala boy were reading this blog, he would want to know if anything curious ;-) happened with the Asian girls.


10:09 PM  
Blogger jpr said...

Any thoughts about where I can find myself a nice and tasteful polyester Elvis suit? I am going to the karaoke bars this week to prepare myself for the trip. Yes, thats right. If I am wearing the Elvis suit I will be singing...and not well.

11:39 PM  
Blogger L said...

theomorph: I think most people regard the lack of a television as being the mark of the beast, no matter how many movies you watch.

rhodent: the "Shrine" sounds like fun, especially since Irish priests really know how to party

Deb: the intoxicated Asian chick was extraordinarily unattractive. Poor Tom.

jpr: most of the Elvis impersonators around here go to one of the Features costume shops. I feel quite sure that TN will have at least one costume shop where you can rent something.... btw, are you going to be the young hot Elvis, or the bloating aging drug-addicted Elvis?

9:34 AM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

I too will be performing as a part of a grouping of Elvis impersonators in two weeks time.
I am dressing up as the dead Elvis.
Wish me luck.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

Were the green bread and cookies and other green food assortments green BEFORE ingesting and the alcohol consumption or did they reappear?

9:39 PM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Okay, I'm confused... what was knocking the innocent bystanders, the VLB or the Guinnesses?

10:01 PM  
Blogger jpr said...

I would obviously go as the old bloated Elvis...peanut butter and bacon hoagie included.

10:17 PM  
Blogger Nyx said...

We have a Mad Dogs and Englishmen pub down the road unfortunately i didn't do anything as exciting in it as you did in your version of St. Paddy's day.

But i do just adore festive toilet paper and was so pleased to see this clover variety of yours. Often on a cold winters night you can find me travelling around the house, following the trail of unrolled paper and painting my own little designs on it. Oh the winter nights just fly by...

5:33 AM  
Blogger Kosh Naranek said...

Will you forgive me for my Guinness-induced truthfulness? Ah, he had some bad pick-up lines anyway.

1:47 PM  
Blogger L said...

happyandblue: somehow I am not surprised that you might dress up as Elvis ;)

Carol: the green stuff definitely appeared well before any alcohol consumption ... the grocery stores were just trying to be festive, I suppose.

frustrated writer: sorry -- it was the VLB. My grammar is not always very good.

kosh: you are definitely forgiven -- I was the one, after all, who mentioned that I work in I.T.... talk about a conversation killer! want to go out again sometime in the next week and a half?

8:15 PM  
Blogger Carmi said...

I'll be scratching my head about the television thing for a while. If anything, the no-television thing would be a magnet for anyone with a brain. Then again, someone who wouldn't appreciate that isn't worth knowing anyway.

Sounds like you had a lot more fun than I did. St. Pat's Day in the "other" London is boring as can be. I need to learn how to drink!

8:32 PM  

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