Saturday, January 08, 2005

We Are Surrounded By All Our Toes!

After having very odd sushi and fried bananas with Matt the BrainBox, we decided to hang out and watch South Park and Chinese Ghost Story II until 2 am. While not as wonderful and deranged as Chinese Ghost Story or The Bride With White Hair, it remains a classic example of the bizarre Hong Kong supernatural love story genre-- filled with a ton of wire-fu, sexy female stars, and hideous demons.

My favorite line: "We are surrounded by all our toes!"

Runners up:
"No! We only killed the cute evil body!"
"Quick! Kiss her before she becomes a giant corpse monster!"
"Justine for all!"

Of course you then have to wonder-- just who IS Justine, anyway, and how does one go about meeting her? She was obviously a shy little thing, because we never saw her...

*** Guidelines for Hong Kong Supernatural Cinema ***
1. The director MUST provide at least one action scene with a flying head.

2. All women must be nubile twenty-year olds with incredibly long hair and names like "Moon" or "Wind"

3. There must be at least one Taoist monk who is perpetually tempted by said maidens, who must periodically bathe, tear their clothing and look perplexed

4. The film is required to contain one or more of the following: a godzilla-like monster with flying ectoplasm; an Evil Buddha; a hopping vampire (alternately: a "mischevious corpse") with long green fingernails; a gorgeous ghost with powerful and creepy hair; or a demon with a huge tongue

5. No fewer than three giant swords are to be displayed in every fight scene, and all fight scenes must involve flying, swinging or explosions

I really wanted to have a costume one of the warrior characters wore: dramatic cape, giant swords sticking out of his back and hundreds of pointy darts hidden under his armor. Think of how USEFUL an outfit like that would be! I could cut in lines, taunt policemen, intimidate people at work...

Plus, the next time that the Evil SecretaryBeast gives me a dirty look or steals my mugs, I could whip my cape around and shoot darts at her, after which she will explode. I will then ride heroically off into the sunset with my magic sword, my trusty sidekick and cheesy rock music playing tenderly in the background. Yeah!


Blogger Ron Southern said...


Quick, baby, take off your clothes,
You are surrounded by all your toes
And then some.

4:49 PM  
Blogger L said...

gosh, Ron. You could probably find a very lucrative job writing subtitles for these things :)

7:24 PM  
Blogger Ron Southern said...

What things you got?


Don't toy with me, Miss!

5:59 PM  

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