Saturday, January 01, 2005

Another New Year's Eve Disaster

Last night was such a waste of a terribly exciting outfit; I dressed SPECIALLY to show off cleavage, and I prepared early for a glamorous evening of flirting, champagne and yummy tidbits...

But I received a phone call from Goateed Keith, the new boyfriend of my now appendixless friend Maelyn. She was convalescing at St. Joseph's hospital, so I ran over to visit and give her presents. After accidentally trying to visit her at the WRONG St. Joseph's (who knew there were two?), I arrived to find her looking pale and tragic with a pair of vintage cat's eye glasses perched precariously on her nose. We chatted for a bit about her morpine button and all the beer that Keith kept trying to smuggle into her room; he kept accidentally dropping and smashing them outside, which was obviously the curse of St. Joseph. We also gossiped about the doctors and nurses, who all seemed to have multiple piercings, tattoos and gold teeth; it's like they all just came back from a rave...

After saying good night I drove across town for my first party of the evening, promptly had an asthma attack, then was admitted to Tampa General Hospital. Not only did I miss the ball drop, I had absolutely NO champagne! I didn't even see any cute single doctors! They were almost all cranky pregnant women! The only hot guy I saw walked in with blood gushing all over from a severed ear!

I did get to meet an interesting bald cancer patient though. He showed me his weird foot-long surgery scar and walked (um, wheelchaired) me back to my car at 2 a.m. Despite the oozing sores on his face, he still managed to smoke like a chimney, take covert gulps from a hidden flask and make a passable attempt at flirtation.

And that was my New Year's Eve.


Blogger LemonadeParade said...

Hi! Just stumbled across your blog...LOVES IT!!
My New Year's was bad too, but I totally feel for you. I dressed up to the nines with massive cleavage only to find the party we situated at was formal. And when they went around with the champagne, when did they run out? That's right, right when they reached me. Hahaha...thanks! But needless to say, who had the best time with the single guys?!?!

8:34 PM  
Blogger Rootietoot said...

mine was dull. We had plans involving dressing up and alcohol but i caught a nasty cold or flu or something the night before and felt like shit-on-a-stick so just stayed home with my self pity and hot tea. Not as bad as asthma, but not as dramatic, either.

8:46 PM  
Blogger theomorph said...

Y'know, it's funny, despite standard collective propaganda of our culture, which says that New Year's Eve is the biggest party night of the year, having a lousy evening seems pretty much par for the course for a helluva lot of people, eh? All I've managed to find in the blogs I read are stories like yours.

BTW, what is it with showing a lot of cleavage? That doesn't necessarily make you more attractive. :-P

9:05 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Holy hell, there should be a prize for the blogger who had the worst New Year's Eve, and even then I wouldn't be able to decide between you and The Hot Librarian. You make me glad I stayed in alone watching videos.

9:55 PM  
Blogger VegasGustan said...

Wow! What a night! You should post a picture of you in the dress...that way we all can tell you how great you looked and thus it did not go to waste on just a Cancer patient with no scrupples (sp?)

11:47 PM  
Blogger the frog princess said...

i know, it still looks wrong. but that's what says, anyhow.
i'm sorry your NYE turned out so terrible. you should have brought a good book with you. last time i was stuck in the emergency room for 5 1/2 hours i didn't bring one either, but they were playing halloween 5 on repeat and this kid who broke his arm so bad i could see the separation in it sat next to me and was still there when i left.

1:04 AM  
Blogger L said...

Well, I have to admit that The Hot Librarian ( had a much worse New Year's Eve than I; at least I didn't find people fornicating on my coat...

As for the dressing with cleavage? Well, everyone always looks at me as being so "intelligent" and "educated" and "responsible" and all that rot. Every now and then I like to "bust out" and have a change from all the conservative Audrey Hepburn-style stuff I wear.

Theomorph, you totally crack me up. Your blog is so insightful, well-written and intelligent (I love it). Yet you visit my obnoxious little blog where I write crappily on purpose and do my best to fill with amusingly worthless drivel :)

At least my NYE was memorable, eh?

VegasGustan: sorry for the lack of photo, but I didn't take one....

Frog Princess: Yeah, I should have brought one of the books I'm currently reading (in fact I always keep at least one emergency book in my car). But I didn't even think about it :(

Happy New Year everyone

9:54 AM  
Blogger Larry Jones said...

Theomorph, you need to chill. I won't tear their clothes off, but I would like to continue to enjoy every millimeter voluntarily displayed. Brava, ladies!
L, please don't feel too bad. Something went wrong with New Year's Eve this year. I'm working on it, and I'm sure it will be fixed by next December.
PS: It was an EXCITING outfit? Maybe you SHOULD put it back on, and take some pictures...

12:48 PM  
Blogger theomorph said...

"...insightful, well-written and intelligent..."

Well, thanks. Though lately I feel like my brain is hanging by its fingertips from a greased trapeze. Glad to know somebody thinks I'm still cranking out intelligence.

"Theomorph, you need to chill."

No thanks. I like my outlook just the way it is.

12:49 AM  

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