Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I Hate Christmas Carols

It's official-- I hate Christmans carols. Retailers have been playing them since THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN and I have finally reached the breaking point. I just cannot listen to White Christmas Jingle Bells Decking the Halls in a Winter Wonderland with Boughs of Holly one more time, or I may do something drastic. I have stopped listening to the radio stations; I don't go to the mall; I don't watch television. However, if you see me screaming on my rooftop, you will know that something managed to get through and I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Other things I hate about Christmas:
1. I can NEVER find gift boxes in the right sizes. Ever.

2. Those awful "cinnamon-scented" brooms and "hearth-scented" candles that supermarkets display-- they make me sneeze

3. Obnoxious outdoor decorations -- I keep seeing these dinky little houses that seem about to collapse under the combined weight of millions of lights, stuffed animals, plastic reindeer, fake sleighs, baby Jesuses, fluffy sheep, stoned-looking angels, spinning tops, electric train sets, plastic poinsettas and gigantic snowflakes. Not only that, but people are now startng to display giant inflatable snowmen and things (occasionally taller than the house itself)

4. Fliers that advertise "professionals" who can come and decorate your house for you

5. Sweaters with spangled, jingling, sparkling, or fluffy holiday decorations on them

6. Huge crowds, usually due to desperate people fighting over this year's Tickle Me Elmo or Cabbage Patch Kid

7. Charlie Brown's Christmas. I HATE Charlie Brown's Christmas (although I still rather like A Christmas Story)

8. Singing knick-knacks -- especially if they're singing Christmas carols and dancing at the same time

9. festive ties -- particularly the red kind with little white snowmen

10. Did I mention the Christmas carols?

While I rather enjoy buying interesting (and occasionally demented) presents for family and friends, there are things I would love to remove from the holiday season....


Blogger theomorph said...

Oh my. You hate the Charlie Brown Christmas? Tsk tsk. But's so sweet, such a lovely commercial icon of anti-commercialism. The irony in itself is enough to make the thing worthwhile, in my opinion. ;-)

1:07 AM  
Blogger thehotlibrarian said...

I'm completely with you on your hatred of the heinous Christmas sweater and the singing knicknacks. Someone at work has some singing gingerbread men, and every time someone pushes their button, I want to find a shot gun and blow the gingerbread away.

8:45 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

Amen. More true words have seldom been written.

If I have to listen to another Santa-being-tracked-by-NORAD story again on Christmas Eve, I'll seriously shoot the sucker down with a Stinger missile when he flies over my neighborhood.

6:37 PM  
Blogger L said...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one-- I feel like I should be taking some sort of depressant to counteract the hyperactive holiday cheer...

8:16 PM  
Anonymous corneilius said...

Hi There,

Corneilius here, a not-for-profit singer/songwriter, dj and activist.

The hyped-up commercialised pavlovian drooling over this seasons 'must haves' for children, teens, adults, elders and dogs, cats, fish and snakes makes me wanna hurl the entire contents of all my semi-digested christmas dinners over the nearest ecclesiastcally sub-minded sub-person. EUUUUUUUURRRGGGH!!

So I wrote a few songs, in the form of an 'AA' (double sided) Electronic FREE Christmas Single, which I hope you will enjoy.

The first side is "I can't stand Shopping", and the second side is "Christ! What a mess this World is in!"...... both are sing along songs with an allusion in one to another great ode, "Imagine"..... there's no christmas ........ i am pretty sure The Good Lord Jesus looks upon this festive idiocy with the same regard he has for The Cross upon which he was so brutally crucified!

You can find them both here where you can listen to them or download them.

If, perchance you do enjoy them, perhaps I might enjoin you to spread the word, pass them on, share them with your good friends or even mention them in your web site.

Thank you for taking the time to read this unsolicited email, and if I have caused you any offence, be assured that none is intended. I am a gentle soul.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now THIS is true cause for a "Hallelujah" because I agree 150%. Not only do I have to listen to those *^@@ christmas carols in retail stores and in my car radio, but at my office too! I have seriously thought about committing suicide if I have to listen to one more. Not only do we hear the same songs over and over from November to December but it's the same songs year after year as well. After 29 years of this I start daydreaming at work about how nice it would be to blow my brains out and then have my ghost watch the blood and brain goo slide down the wall behind me as everyone watches aghast and finally smashes the radio that is playing the christmas music. Just kidding - but when I can't stand the music helps to at least pretend.
And, I agree with everything else on the list of "I hates" about christmas. I am soooooo sick of the commercialization. I refuse to leave my house until christmas is finally OVER! What happened to christmas being a nice dinner with your family and getting cozy in front of a fire with eggnog? Presents used to be simple and the hype was familial not nauseating.

12:22 AM  
Blogger thomasherrod said...

Yes and Yes! SO tired. I agree. Thought I was the only one! Finally someone who feels the same as I. Thank you. Here's to Jan 1st!

4:26 PM  

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