Odd Art: a review

In the words of noted art historian, William Bradford Tuppington:

"This boldly exceptional and vivid masterpiece from the late 16th century is entitled Gabrielle d'Estrées and one of her Sisters; it was painted by am unknown master of the second school of Fontainebleau (which was named after a commune) and heavily influenced by the Italian artist Parmigianino (who was named after a cheese).

If one closely examines this multi-layered and exquisitely modeled composition, it can be seen that the carefully posed figure of Gabrielle d'Estrees (the mistress of Henry IV) is standing in a bathtub while being naked. Her sister, who is quite the saucy young vixen, is depicted as pinching her nipple while being naked and raising one eyebrow while having breasts. These naked women firmly place this work within the "boobie" genre of art comprising some 90.02 % of all Rennaissance, Neoclassic, Romantic, Modern and Contemporary art, as well as the majority of work in the Louvre, the Guggenheim, the Met, the National Gallery, the Rijksmuseum, the Museum of Modern Art, the Whitney, the Frick, and the Museo Nacional.

The two very naughty young ladies are framed by a rich red velvet curtain, which helps to highlight the domesticity of the frolicking and romping along with their boobies. Blah blah blah contested models of sexuality blah blah OMG! BOOOBIES!!1! Ssomething something and their frank gazes something boobies something expressions of female intimacy blah blah blah. Some historians interpret the boobies something something boobies! something blah blah boobies blah blah boobies!! booooobies!!!!!!!
"






* my favorite headlines this week *

"Nebraska state senator sues God" (it's about time)
"Crocs, kids and escalators a bad combination?" (what about sharks, babies and monster trucks???)
"Russia blasts gerbils into space" (it gets lonely in space)
"Jack Hanna, flamingo trapped in airport turnstile" (I have nothing to say about this)

Odd Art: Installment # Something-Or-Other

As everyone who knows anything knows, we here at Random_Speak highlight the very best and brightest of the Odd Art genre. To-day we are presenting another educational installment in our ongoing series on black velvet paintings-- this time focusing on two important subgenres: black velvet Jesus and black velvet Elvis.


As one can see in Blind Jesus Suffering From Mumps and Deformed Hands (artist unknown, date unknown), the medium of black velvet painting has often been utilized to express the motif of Christ's possible disabilities, as well as a macho-gestural deconstructive hallucinatory rationalism that explores metaphysical scenery to describe the impossibility of retro-academic apocalyptic representations.








In the classic Hairless Plastic Singing Elvis With Broken Nose and Missing Ears (artist unknown, date unknown), we see a continuation of this teleological attitude towards an affirmative corporeality and non-linear narrative of an infinite symbiotic and meditative hallucination.










As the black-velvet-Elvis-Jesus school of painting slowly matured during the latter half of the twentieth century, there slowly emerged a new style in which these two themes coalesced, as can be seen in the provocative Perplexed King of Kings Without Halo Staring at Clinically-Depressed King of Rock and Roll With Halo After Escaping From Atomic Fallout (artist unknown, date unknown)-- which was generally acknowledged to be the masterpiece of its genre until the creation of Exploding Heart Hispanic Elvis-Jesus near the end of the 1990s.




* More odd art may be found in the drop-down box under my avatar

** images taken from Indignico Inc. (from "The Tijuana Black Velvet Standards of Indignico Inc., The Limitless Edition," a black velvet portraiture series on display and on sale at Velvetpaintings.com)
The Jesus Christ in The Garden of Gethsemene velvet painting (Tijuana velvet artist "L. Zamora")
The Elvis Presley Singing Into a Microphone Wearing White Jumpsuit and Blue Scarf velvet painting (Tijuana velvet artist "Ricardo Terrones")
The Elvis Presley, side-by-side with his good friend Jesus Christ velvet painting (Tijuana velvet artist "Ramirez")

yet another post on very odd art....

This seminal masterpiece by Tom Friedman, 1,000 Hours of Staring, was created between 1992 and 1997 and is categorized as being a "stare on paper". Appraised at an approximate value of great big whopping gobs of cash, this blank sheet of paper was stared at by Friedman for one thousand hours over several years.

Not only does this provocative piece raise penetrating questions about how art is seen and made, it also asks in a petulant manner: "Could L also produce a blank sheet of paper and stare at it, thereby resulting in terribly fashionable awards, glowing reviews and lots and lots and lots of money?"

Of course, there are many other things I stare at blankly on a regular basis -- and they could possibly fetch an even more impressive sum than a mere sheet of paper. Not only can I stare at paper, but I can also stare blankly at tofu, pleated pants, junk mail, empty pizza boxes, dirty socks and used kleenex-- all of which I am perfectly willing to auction off to the highest bidder in order to finance a more bohemian lifestyle filled with servants and ponies.

Serious enquiries only please.



* additional odd art pieces may be found in the drop down box under my avatar

In (Belated) Honor of Valentine's Day: Another Post on Odd Art!

(click to enlarge)

This absolutely incredible bronze and limestone work is a captivating portrait of George Phillip Vierheller, a former director of the St. Louis zoo. Sculpted by artist Richard Frazier in honor of Vierheller's retirement, this masterpiece captures the poignancy of the love between a man who loved animals and an animal who apparently loved him back.

While perhaps slightly inappropriate for very young children and elderly persons somewhat prone to apoplectic attacks, this seminal piece of work, which is also very green, proudly follows in the ancient tradition of erotic art long typified by such artists as Lorenzo Lotto, Antoine Watteau, and someone else whose name quite escapes me at this time.

One can only wonder: was this a love that dared not speak its name? Why would a man in such a position bear such a stoic expression on his face? And most importantly: is this really legal outside Alabama? The art historian can only ponder such mysteries; the answers may be lost to us forever.

* additional art reviews may be found under the "Odd Art" drop down under my avatar

Another very special post on odd art!

As it's been a little while, I thought I'd inflict another scholarly art critique on whomever is irresponsible enough to be reading useless blogs at this late hour. Don't you have a job or something?

Outdoor sculpture -- Title unknown, artist unknown

Some critics maintain that it is difficult to enter the metaphorical narrative of this sculpture due to its esoteric symbolism and incohesive content; others contend that this difficulty is mainly due to the dilemma of having to dodge the perplexing amount of flying babies that seem to be emanating from this piece. And, while the figures exhibit a clean purity of line and an eloquently simple resonance of form, one must ask: what the @#%!!???

Of course, it's quite obvious to all but the most uneducated that this artist has issued a vibrant proclamation, a stirring call to arms, and a searing indictment of something. If you have to ask what this means, however, we certainly can't be bothered to explain.



* additional odd art posts may be found in the drop down box under my avatar
** image pulled from boners.com