Monday, September 17, 2007

Odd Art: a review

In the words of noted art historian, William Bradford Tuppington:

"This boldly exceptional and vivid masterpiece from the late 16th century is entitled
Gabrielle d'Estrées and one of her Sisters; it was painted by am unknown master of the second school of Fontainebleau (which was named after a commune) and heavily influenced by the Italian artist Parmigianino (who was named after a cheese).

If one closely examines this multi-layered and exquisitely modeled composition, it can be seen that the carefully posed figure of Gabrielle d'Estrees (the mistress of Henry IV) is standing in a bathtub while being naked. Her sister, who is quite the saucy young vixen, is depicted as pinching her nipple while being naked and raising one eyebrow while having breasts. These naked women firmly place this work within the "boobie" genre of art comprising some 90.02 % of all Rennaissance, Neoclassic, Romantic, Modern and Contemporary art, as well as the majority of work in the Louvre, the Guggenheim, the Met, the National Gallery, the Rijksmuseum, the Museum of Modern Art, the Whitney, the Frick, and the Museo Nacional.

The two very naughty young ladies are framed by a rich red velvet curtain, which helps to highlight the domesticity of the frolicking and romping along with their boobies. Blah blah blah contested models of sexuality blah blah OMG! BOOOBIES!!1! Ssomething something and their frank gazes something boobies something expressions of female intimacy blah blah blah. Some historians interpret the boobies something something boobies! something blah blah boobies blah blah boobies!! booooobies!!!!!!!

* my favorite headlines this week *

"Nebraska state senator sues God" (it's about time)
"Crocs, kids and escalators a bad combination?" (what about sharks, babies and monster trucks???)
"Russia blasts gerbils into space" (it gets lonely in space)
"Jack Hanna, flamingo trapped in airport turnstile" (I have nothing to say about this)

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Blogger Krishen said...

Wahahahaha.. Loved the art review!

I expect you'll see a Shark-Baby-Monster Truck investigation shortly. Also nice find on the God-suit

10:27 AM  
Blogger glomgold said...

And what better way to pass an evening than by sitting afore a fireplace, pinching a woman's nipple? Alas, that these two maidens are of same relations is a most unfortunate circumstance...

2:02 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Funny everyone sees the image that way. I rather thought the one girl was simply demonstrating the letter "F" in American Sign Language and as unfortunate as it is, did so a tad too closely to her sister's naked nipple. Go figure.

(have missed you and your reviews and your posts and your insane bits of art immensely!)

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Happy and Blue 2 said...

The redheaded sister (if those are actually girls and not just really chubby boys) is holding something in her( or possibly his) fingers which looks suspiciously like a nipple. Perhaps a freshly plucked nipple from the other sister (or brother).
That would help to explain the stunned look on the face of the currently pinching sister (or brother).

Or perhaps they ( whatever sex they may be) are having a nipple pinching off party.
During that time period cries of "Pinched your nipple off" were heard throughout school yards and bath tubs everywhere.
The game was won when one or both of the children started wailing uncontrollably about the loss of their appendage followed by a jolly whipping by their parents, (which was the custom in those days) and a trip to bed without their gruel( which was the only source of nourishment at the time.)

Also of historical note (although I have no historical notes to prove this) is the fact that sticks with nails in them hadn't been invented yet so children played with what was available.

Sadly, with the invention of balloons and marshmallows the nipple pinching practice has all but become a thing of the past leaving a great void in the game, history and art industries..

2:30 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

Happy and Blue 2-- You're still alive!!!!!

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Ahriman said...

Hi, found your site via netflix. Interesting, interesting. And what synchronicity that you've got this painting as the topic of your current post. I've been fascinated by Bernard Chauvelot's homage to this work for a while - I think the homage is a far more profound work in some ways (see the painting here: - the wry knowingness of the two women in their pose is exquisite. Which makes me sure that it was a posed work - imagine how long the nipple had to be pinched to capture the symmetry of the arms..

3:07 AM  
Blogger TrumanDem said...

What's more interesting to me is the lone female figure sitting in the background oblivious to it all. Or is this a way for the artist to infer that whatever the two sisters are engaged in (playful teasing as siblings do on occasion) its not worth reacting to.


12:10 AM  
Blogger Krishen said...

Boo! was great to see you on Friday, we definitely need to hang out more. In the meantime post :) Please pass along my apologies to TJ, man I suck at names. Hope all is well for both of you!

1:28 AM  
Blogger L said...

hello everyone! Many many many apologies for the extended absence :)

1:33 AM  
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