Still Swamped

Despite the fact the fact that I still have approximately 5,345,987.2 boxes left to unpack in my kitchen, and despite a mysterious case of flying ants, I have still managed to soldier on and participate in various shennanigans this week.

Saturday night was "Wigstock 2007!", which is an annual party where everyone is required to wear some sort of obnoxious wig. My "Castle Cheerleading Team" look was probably the least creative, however, as people showed up wearing everything from Cousin It to a fabulously tasteless mirkin. I didn't get home until 7 am due to circumstances beyond my control.

On Sunday, a couple of us toddled on over to the Tampa Theater for the Thin Man, which is probably the booziest film I've ever seen in my life. Afterwards, we oozed on over to The Hub for its fashionable combination of young ironic hipsters, very stiff drinks and aging, cancer-ridden barflies trading cigarettes and local gossip. Of course, a bar brawl broke out, which was terribly exciting and involved macho posturing, broken fingers, people trying to fling other people through glass doors, women crying, broken bicycles, screeching cop cars and an ambulance that sat around looking useless.

On a side note, can I just say that The Hub now has, um, the hottest bartender in the whole Tampa Bay area? She slithered on over to ask if she could collect our empties, and we were all "Okay, uh, anything you want" and handing her our mostly full glasses before we realized what we were doing.

I love The Hub.


Nothing else happened lately, other than:
1. I didn't win the lottery
2. I've given up men for Lent
3. I still need to research the best type of jacuzzi for bathing in chocolate
4. I haven't really been blogging
5. I'm behind on my kung fu movies

That is all.

An amusing find...

Fish Tale

By carefully scheduling a full week's worth of languishing uselessly, eating yummy foodish things and frolicking aimlessly, I have yet again managed to successfully avoid the remainder of unpacking. But it hasn't been just the usual loitering, bathing in champagne and irresponsible partying with celebrities.

We've also been fishing!

Yes, we here at Random_Speak are avid anglers known to wax philisophical while battling the mighty monsters of the deep-- and this week was no exception!

After a hearty breakfast of hardtack and coffee at the crack of dawn, we moseyed on out the door to grab our kayaks. Of course, fishing is a lot easier nowadays. When I was a child, we ate dirt for breakfast and woke up two days early before moseying. But despite the late start, we paddled for miles through raging swamplands, alligator-infested channels and open stretches of sea filled with terrible man-eating sharks before settling into a top secret fishing hole.

Now, typically I'll use a 10/0 offset trap hook with 9' of S.S. cable leader, but I thought I'd try a little something new this time and baited my hook with a very large and irritable chicken. Immediately after I made my cast, a large whirlpool swirled before a monstrous leviathan with flashing scales and glistening fangs emerged from the depths to strike. I had only a moment to glimpse one red eye the size of a dinner plate before the monster fish darted away, pulling my kayak behind in its vast wake.

I fought to hold on as the giant thrashed and dove and leaped, watching in horror as it casually swallowed a scuba diver, three buoys, a snall dinghy and half a wake board. We battled for hours--my arms growing sore, sweat running down my brow, my face lined with grim determination. Gradually, the monstrous sea creature tired, and the shocked onlookers were finally able to help me lash ropes and cables around its tail to load it in the truck. Four men with chainsaws helped us filet, and we all ate heartily.

It was truly a memorable experience, and one that I will never forget.

But you should have seen the one that got away.

Yes, Yes, Yes -- I'm BUSY!!!!

I've been absolutely swamped this week! So, here's just a little item from my collection (in lieu of a real post). This is a very amusing WINK magazine from October 1951 (with a cover by artist Peter Driben).

Selling some of my pinup stuff

I'm getting rid of a few pinup items on ebay, if anyone is interested (still unpacking, settling in, and streamlining things a bit).

1. a partially incomplete set of very weird "World of Beauty" topless pinup vintage playing cards from the late sixties.

2. a December 1961 copy of GAZE magazine featuring burlesque queen Tempest Storm, other random pinups and cartoons.

3. a 1972 Playboy special issue of "Playboy's Vargas Girls", featuring large color Alberto Vargas illustrations

4. a 1957 vintage issue of SATAN magazine (vol 1, issue 2) featuring Bettie Page on the cover and as the centerfold of the month

5. a 1950 vintage "Pin-Ups by Bernard of Hollywood" featuring an early (large) pinup photo of Marilyn Monroe when she was still Norma Jean, as well as a number of other black-and-white pinup photos


*** there will be a real post tomorrow, I swear! Still swamped with house stuff ***

Procrastinating (Part II)...

I thought I'd post images from another "True Story" magazine-- this one from October 1935. I am supposed to be unpacking and tidying up, but I guess that's not happening!

Procrastinating....

While my old apartment is nearly clean, my new house to-do list has grown tremendously during the past week and contains everything from getting insulation and a jacuzzi to caulking, painting, nailing, and installing secret bookcase passageways.

Therefore, I have decided to procrastinate. Not only have I watched The Last Man On Earth, Night Of The Living Dead and The House By The Cemetery (all part of a housewarming gift -- yay!), but I have also gone antique shopping, explored a previously unknown *oriental supermarket and reread several stories by Luis Borges. Additionally, I may decide to learn Chinese.

While thrifting/antique shopping, I picked up a few hilarious old pinup and "true story" magazines from the thirties and forties. This one is from December 1935


Of course, it is full of thrilling and true-life stories of love at first sight, people lost at sea, crippled infants, adultery, men falling in love with their sisters, delirium, plastic surgery and young ladies dying after tragic falls from ponies (illustrated at left)











Among other things, it provides cautionary tales that warn severely against wives trying to state opinions or work outside the house. Everyone knows that stating opinions and working outside the house will make you have ugly children.











And we can't forget the stories that caution you against being a shallow gold-digging homewrecker. These stories always seem to contain a man named "Gil" or "Sexton", and the homewrecker always ends up working as a cheap waitress fending off drunken brutes while her lover commits suicide.




























* my favorite oriental market purchases so far
1. a bag of "apple gummy", which states "Every drop of fresh apple juice carefully pressed from the reddest apples, shining in colors of the cheeks of a snow-country child, is yours to enjoy"
2. a bag of "muscat gummy", which states "Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady."
3. bright red chopsticks

I seem to have acquired a house

All my blogging time was being overrun by house-hunting endeavors, then financing and closing, moving, etc.

I've had tree people out to molest my trees, pest control people to give cancer to my pests, air conditioning people to laugh at my air handler, electricians to shake their heads in disbelief, insulation people to romp around my attic, security people to let off sirens in my ear, and window people to pull imaginary sums of money out of their asses.

I am still unpacking, settling in, and cleaning my old apartment..... but regular blogging will resume again this week. I may actually have a life again soon.