Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I'm rewriting the Constitution! Let's Include an Amendment on Napping!

According to a recent article, when asked to summarize the contents of the U.S. Constitutional Amendments most Americans have absolutely no idea! While many know at least two members of the Simpson cartoon family, they're absolutely baffled when it comes to those Amendment thingys! When pressed on the matter, approximately *one in five indicated they believed the right to own a pet was one of the freedoms listed.

And really, why shouldn't we have the Constitutional right to have our very own pet?

Of course everyone knows that the real amendments are very, very, very, very, very, very important, even if they are terribly boring.

For example, we have the right to practise religion freely, especially if we're in the majority and are obnoxiously loud about it (those other, unpopular little religions... um, not so much). We also have the right to freedom of speech, but only if we're in the proper "free speech" zones, of course, otherwise we might get arrested. Additionally, we have the freedom of press, as long as we don't say anything bad about the corporation that owns us and as long as we kind of go along with the crowd anyway. The really exciting part is that we also get to petition the government for the redress of grievances, which involves rather a lot of horrible red tape.

And that's just the FIRST Amendment! There's TWENTY SIX more, including the one that lets us own lots of guns and shoot the bejeezus out of people!

The Constitution could use a bit of sprucing up, however, so I'd like to include a new Amendment:


Section 1. The right of citizens of the United States, who are 30 years of age or older, to nap, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state.

Section 2. After one year from the ratification of this article the performance or sale of Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry Be Happy within the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof is hereby prohibited.

Section 3. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are hereby granted the right to a lifetime supply of cheese. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge this privilege; nor shall any state deprive any person of blue cheese, cheddar cheese, feta cheese, gorgonzola, that cheese with the little pepper things in it, or mozarella, without due process of law.

Section 4. The Congress and the states shall have concurrent power to enforce this by appropriate legislation.

* actually a real result of the poll


Anonymous tim said...

Seriously, if anyone can explain to me how Americans got so stupid, I'd really like to know. And are these questions on the FCAT?

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Professor Twain said...

Among your many talents, we can now add Constitutional Scholar.
So, what is with the cheese thing?

12:47 AM  
Blogger Cap'n Rich said...

I saw that poll on CNN. Now we know how W got elected. Massive stupidity. I once saw a real poll that indicated that about 35% of high school graduates couldn't pick out the Atlantic Ocean on a blank map of the world.

And these people are voters! My gawd.

Naptime! Compliments of L's efforts.

4:41 AM  
Blogger L said...

Tim: I always thought these were exaggerated jokes until I met someone who thought that New Mexico was another country

My Dear Professor: cheese is wholesome and nutritious and tasty

cap'n rich: education is apparently not our forte :)

9:48 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

L - this person you met who thought New Mexico was another country, did he have on a dress and a slight bend to his wrists? Just curious.

I like your nap ammendment idea very much but I'm especially on board with you on the cheese issue. Why this hasn't been addressed as yet just slays the bejeziz outta me.

7:19 AM  
Blogger L said...

Weary Hag: no, she didn't :)

8:40 PM  

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