Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, Sort Of

In case anyone missed it yesterday was October 11th, a date designated by someone-or-other as being "National Coming Out Day". So, I've decided to take the opportunity to finally (and publicly) come out of the closet myself.

Over time, some may have already guessed.


I am a slightly campy stereotype of a gay man trapped in the body of a woman.

Oh sure, I can feign an interest in football and naked mud wrestling; I've even been known to attend amateur car races and go fishing. But deep inside this charming exterior, I have an odd fascination with fashion, showgirl costumes, Liberace, tiaras and perfect hair. I'm not a flight attendant, florist or interior decorator-- but I'm still witty and well-dressed, which occasionally gives my secret away. And while I may try to chug beer with the boys, I'll have to admit that I'm really just ogling them.

I suppose now that I've given my secret away, I'll have to go out and purchase a charming pair of leather chaps and a can of mousse.

How tiresome.


Anonymous Professor Twain said...

You have not convinced me yet:

Do you have an ass so taut that I could bounce a quarter off of it?
Do you have a porn star mustache?
Do you like bears? http://www.andrewsullivan.com/main_article.php?artnum=20030802

No matter what your answers, I am not convinced.

10:52 PM  
Blogger L said...

heh heh heh

I'm still working on the porn star mustache

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Rhodent said...

Moms are always the last to know! Does such an occasion require a gift or will a card and check suffice? Are there therapy groups for this? Have you informed the accidentally acquired man in your life? Have you truly thought this through? What will Kokothink about this!?!?

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Happy and Blue said...

Happy Almost Gay Day to you.
While I am Happy and occasionally Blue 2
I have never been gay.
I was overjoyed once but I'm not sure if that counts..

10:15 PM  
Anonymous none said...

Nice fruit hat, 2 posts ago. Like dad always said, "Give me a woman in a fruit hat".
I dont have a fruit hat but do have a big corn-on-the-cob hat. I rarely wear it, except to funerals.

When getting dressed, i usually go "semi-formal". Obviously shorts and flip-flops are casual, and long pants and shoes are formal, so I split the difference. I wear shorts, but do require myself to "dress it up" by wearing shoes most of the time. After all, image is important, ya know?

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Larry Jones said...

Well, all my fantasies are not completely crushed: At least you're trapped in the body of a woman...

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

Ha! All that is meaningless compared to having really well defined, perfectly tweezed eyebrows. The more diva-esque the better.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Crazy Monkey said...

Yeah, i should have come out too. Im really just a big Lesbian. Though, im sure that anyone who knows how many of my other friends are lesbians should have figured this out by now....

10:15 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

that's odd, i was just going to say the exact same thing as the monkey above.

10:16 PM  
Blogger L said...

Rhodent: a gift and card are welcome on any occasion

Happy&Blue: we can make you an honorary member

none: yes it is

Larry Jones: yes, people do tend to notice that about me

Mariana: and that is where I fall short, I'm afraid

Crazy Monkey: somehow, I always suspected that you were a lesbian

Mr. Anigans: you too :)

10:16 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

there are some closets I don't even dare to look in. glad you came out of your "pseudo gay" one...

10:16 PM  
Blogger L said...

mark: heh heh

10:16 PM  

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