On the Accidental Acquisition of Men

I'm not really sure quite how it happened, but I seem to have accidentally acquired a man this week. It's quite the shocking turn of events. Just take a look at that lobotomized expression in the ad below. It could be us!

I'm hoping his intentions are dishonorable.

Of course, many will want to know what womanly wiles I used to trap this lucky young man.

"L", they'll say, "how did you do it?". Some might think that it was my night vision and stealth ninja skills, or possibly even my highly-sought-after bow hunting skills. The fact that I can write with my toes, cook a deliciously enormous leg of lamb and recite the alphabet backwards while chewing gum are also specialized talents that can drive men mad.

But in reality, my secret is Dr. Campbell's Safe Arsenic Complexion Wafers. As you can see, these "wonder wafers build one up, clear the skin quickly and bring out all charms." I am also considering Dr. Campbell's Safe Belladonna Eye Beautification Creme, just in case.


Of course, being the sensible young person that I am, I have already asked him the most important questions such as:
1.) Were you ever a porn star?
2.) Are you likely to ever go bald?
3.) Do you like board games?
4.) Do you mind enormous hats?
5.) What do you get when you multiply 6 by 9?

Are there any important questions I've missed?