Saturday, August 20, 2005

Nothing Says "Haute" Like a Florida Summer

To-day the temperature is 95 degrees Fahrenheit with 55% humidity.

I may have to wander around in a chic bathing suit and pour buckets of ice water on myself for the remainder of the afternoon.

The grass is wilting; I'm wilting; even the palmetto bugs and fire ants are passing out from exhaustion.


Last night my uncle and his boyfriend treated me to champagne and dinner at Pacific Wave, a "Pacific Rim fusion" restaurant that has reasonably awful service, sputtering outdoor tiki torches, and a horrible lack of good parking. However, the terribly rude hostess was overshadowed by memories of their lovely Krakatoa lava cake, from which oozes incredibly rich, dark chocolate in all its wholesome, chocolate-y goodness.

They later came by to ogle my newish apartment, but promptly informed me that it had some very bad feng shui. This, of course, explains my entire summer. I am now convinced that my mojo has not been working, solely due to the fact that my sofa was unhappy with its prior situation.

So now all my furniture is in a completely different location than it was before, because, really, gay men cannot go anywhere without wanting to constantly rearrange the furniture and things.

I have to say that it really looks quite smart.

So even if I die from sunstroke today, at least my apartment is so much more fashionably fabulous than it was before.


Anonymous Carol said...

Send them here...that could explain some things for me, too.

I understand the in Houston we are 95 degrees and 75-80% humidity. I didn't need to feel like I could breathe when I walked outside anyway.

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Brenda Love said...

I believe in that feng shui stuff....but its so terribly ANAL.

8:19 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

Do you think they could do anything with my house? I'm tending to think it is hopeless. Sigh

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Larry Jones said...

What a lucky girl, to have gay men arrange your furniture, after it was delivered by a female impersonator!

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Mark said...

Hmm, so if I get rid of all my furniture and have a totally empty living space, what happens with the feng shui then?

8:20 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

We've no humidity, but hot is hot!

That cake sounds incredible. . .

8:20 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

Any practice that follows placement of furnishing to mesh with the rise and fall of the sun and the moon sounds good to me. But only if it comes with it's own special dance.
Moving furniture does allow you to vacuum and sweep in new places though which I'm sure would cool you down. Or make you even hotter.
Anyways, it's all about balance or something like that..

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

There was a time when I took that kind of stuff seriously enough that I actually bought a book on the subject. In the end, whatever you do is never enough, because there'll always be something wrong with the building/house/apartment you live in that makes all your other efforts worthless, or some crack on the wall on the building on the other side of the street that attracts bad luck and there's nothing you can do about it...

It goes way beyond anal. It's just more practical not to believe.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Vile File said...

How horrible to live a Fabulously Fashionable Life, then for one's friends and family (after one's Untimely Expiration) to discover a horrid apartment fettered with old copies of the TV Guide and half-eaten pizza. Imagine their disappointment.

One has to plan for ones expiration.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

If your furniture is arranged properly then the EMTs will have good mojo and easy access to your prone sunstroked self. Simply devine!

8:21 PM  
Anonymous The Curator said...

Roger that via the heat, Central Cali is *brutal*. I'm sure your APT is stylin' as good as they come.

PG sent me.


8:22 PM  
Anonymous comfort addict said...

Yeah, I hate our heat and humidity, too (although we have had a break lately). At least you have an ocean down there. As for feng shui, I'll cop a Sergeant Schultz.

8:22 PM  
Anonymous ani gans said...


8:22 PM  
Blogger L said...

Carol: wow, I think you must be more miserable than we are then!

Brenda: yep

Rhodent: nothing is hopeless, not even your house

larry: my stars must all be in alignment or something....

mark: it hides in a corner, starts sobbing and wonders why no one will be its friend.

moos: it IS!

Happy&Blue: you could invent a dance I'm sure-- you seem very creative

Mariana: yeah, who wants to spend all their time rearranging furniture?

Ms. Vile: I know! But what would be worse would be to expire in the manner of Elvis Presley. Not only must he have had very bad feng shui, but he was also on the toilet at the time.

Glomgold: yes, that's why it's so practical!

Curator: hello there & thanks for visiting

Comfort Addict: yeah, the ocean is nice... when we don't have Red Tide that fills the area with the stench of rotting fish.

Mr. Anigans: hello yourself. Seen any good movies lately?

8:22 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

why yes, i enjoyed me some Layer Cake just yesterday and have plans on seeing Broken Flowers soon.

8:23 PM  
Blogger L said...

Mr. anigans: hmm.... haven't heard of layer cake, but I was told that Broken Flowers was good

8:23 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

Layer Cake is somehow connected with the guys who did Snatch and Lock Stock. It's not a comedy though, same premise.

8:23 PM  
Anonymous weary hag said...

The thing about Feng Shui that always concerned me is ... what if I rearrange my furniture to suit the doctrine, then my life still sucks? Where would I turn?

8:23 PM  

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