Thursday, August 11, 2005

The New Diet

What with one thing (stress) or another (stress), I seem to have lost a teensy bit too much weight this past month. And how is that a problem, one might ask?

I appear to have lost a few of my, um, assets. It's quite shocking, really.

It seems that a crash diet is in order; the dinner party was a good start, but I really need to set an organized plan:

1. Finally get around to choosing a new gym & start lifting weights again.
2. Eat ice cream
3. Eat cheese
4. Eat bread
5. Eat more cheese
6. Eat more bread
7. Eat dessert more frequently
8. Eat more cheese, just for good measure
9. Learn to make even-numbered lists

Steps must be taken. Otherwise I will never get out of traffic tickets or succesfully haggle with elderly gentlemen when purchasing odd antiques.

Not only that, but I'm afraid people will start addressing me as "young man".

22 Comments:

Blogger Ron Southern said...

I'm trying to picture you fattened up. In a bikini. It might not help you, but it cheers me up!

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:17 AM  
Blogger L said...

ron: yeah, it cheers me up too

11:16 AM  
Blogger L said...

whoever is spamming my blog can stop

11:17 AM  
Blogger Jim Bliss said...

"whoever is spamming my blog can stop"

But L, you practically invited it! A blog entry about needing to put on weight? Didn't you realise that spam is right at the top of the "calories from fat" list? 84% no less.

12:23 PM  
Blogger L said...

it was spam about insurance! since when have I ever blogged about insurance?

:)

12:37 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

tsk, tsk... you and allybrat are having the same problem! I wish I could give you both some of mine!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

Oh, stop. I'd be thrilled to lose some of my "ass"ets. (For what it's worth, I'd fix your tickets anytime :) )

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Green Eyed Lady said...

Major empathy here: my 2 daughters and I are on the very slender side. About 2 yrs ago, when my husband was out of work, I didnt realize that I wasn't getting enough fat in the food I ate. (a very tough time but we're ok.)

The funny thing was, I put on a casual skirt since some friends brought dinner over, then shrieked. My hubba hubba came running into our bedroom concerned I hurt myself. He found me crying that my favorite skirt (with hidden pockets for the requisite kleeenex during allergy season) was down to the floor by my ankles. I had no hips to hold it up, not to meniton that my waist had diminished by too many inches.

Tried on something else. (I still wear clothes from college and my oldest is about to go off to college herself- thrifty is my middle name.) That item fell off my shoulders because my "assets" or "sisters" as I call them had deflated too much.... They're back now. I burn off calories by "being." I have a high metabolism.

ONly others with this problem understand it's as much as a weight problems as any. I recall being fed milkshakes when I was 12 w/ eggs in them to try to fatten me up. No anorexia, just very petite........ Hope your assets come back with interest. (that did not sound right lol, but I'm keeping it in for you to laugh.)

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Jim Bliss said...

During the year I lived in the US, I put on a lot of weight. In Chicago at least, it's impossible to order a meal without being served up enough food to feed an average European for three days. And after a while, that begins to seem normal and you leave less and less of the meal unfinished.

So I'm impressed by any American (or Italian... they do huge cheese-filled meals as well) who can maintain a roughly human-shaped body while living in their Lands of Too Much Food.

Cheese is lovely stuff. But watch your cholesterol (you can have high cholesterol while losing weight).

8:37 PM  
Anonymous April said...

Oh L, you're too cute to be addressed as "young man". "Little girl" is less of a stretch
And BTW, my brother thinks you're cool, but he said he hasn't met anyone who likes to talk as much as you hehe.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous comfort addict said...

Geez, L, I only wish I could diet in that direction (not to mention get out of traffic tickets).

8:38 PM  
Anonymous Brenda Love said...

Need to go on an eating diet, eh?

I hate you.

J/K!!!!

8:38 PM  
Anonymous Sauerkraut said...

Oh I am terrifically jealous. I would adore losing that sort of weight and forcing myself to eat ice cream. Some day, some enterprising woman (who will be deified and worshipped as the goddess that she is) will come up with a machine that will suck the fat out of those of us who would like to lose some pounds, and inject it into you skinny minnies. Problem solved!

8:38 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

Oy! I should be so fortunate... I don't think that anyone will be addressing you as "sir" anytime soon. Don't forget to have milk or cream in your coffee - "as long as it's dairy."

And think of me when you eat beef - or anything with sugar!

8:38 PM  
Anonymous kosh said...

I have a recipe for Eggplant Parmesan pizza with 56g of fat per serving that should do the trick. J is sulking because I've banned him from making it, so if he could make it for you that would solve a number of problems.

8:38 PM  
Blogger L said...

rhodent: I'm working on it....

doctor: yeah, anyone who eats my cooking is my slave forever!!!!!

Green Eyed Lady: it really can be a problem-- when I was younger, I used to have strangers come up to me and say things like "You know, anorexia isn't very attractive".

Jim Bliss: but I'm still so cute and young! do I really have to start worrying about my cholesterol? (sobs)

April: thanks and I guess I do talk a lot when discussing books. If you want to see me be very quiet, just start a conversation about celebrity gossip.

comfort addict: well, I won't be getting out of any traffic tickets NOW.

Brenda: that's okay-- I still like you and your blog

Saurkraut: that person would make trillions of dollars.

moos: I certainly will

Kosh: oooh! oooh! I want that recipe!!

8:39 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

Don't worry about being called young man. Soon it will be Sir..

8:39 PM  
Blogger L said...

Happy&Blue: I resent the implication, Sir

8:39 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

oooh, kosh - I want that recipe, too!

8:39 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

I may start on that dairy & snacks diet of yours; I think my body can handle the lactose.
It'd be nice to be addressed as "young man" instead of "hey kid".

8:39 PM  
Blogger L said...

moos: yeah, doesn't that sound yummy?

glomgold: if you're not into lactose, you can always just go for chocolate cake-- or better yet, more sugary cereal :)

8:40 PM  

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