Thursday, August 04, 2005

Livin' Scared in the 'Hood

Well, there have been all sorts of trials and tribulations this evening-- not to mention an actual case of attempted murder.

Initially, the evening began quite smoothly; I took the Doctor out for a belated birthday dinner at a bizarre little restaurant called The Dish, which forces you to fetch your own ingredients for disgruntled chefs to toss on the grill. They didn't actually expect us to bus our own tables or fetch our own drinks, but I am now waiting for a restaurant that makes me cook, clean and tally up the bill myself. After all, I just don't get enough of that at home.

Because I didn't expire from food poisoning, I waddled home for a relaxing evening of database design work for The Incredibly Large Project From the Bowels of the Netherworld.

Luckily, my friend Cynthia interrupted this with an exciting phone call to inform me that she'd just been shot in the back! Well, nearly shot in the back. Sort of.

She lives with her family in a rather charming area of St. Petersburg, a neighborhood which one would never associate with drive-by-shootings or gangs, or even bad plumbing. However, as she walked by her living room window this evening, the driver of a passing SUV shot a high-powered bullet which grazed her back so closely that it left a red welt. Chaos, panic and disorder ensued as a frantic 911 call was placed-- with her husband saying "my wife's been shot! my wife's been shot!" and Cynthia saying "are you sure? are you sure?"

There were other shots taken elsewhere, so it was apparently a random act.

However, she and her family are now faced with a terrible problem. For one thing, they are completely unfamiliar with any local gang signs. For another, they apparently have never seen anything even remotely resembling a gang, who, based on local demographics, must be a roaming pack of rabid accountants.

She has absolutely no experience with hip phrases like "bust a cap in yo' ass", "that's ill" and "Why you hatin' on a boo?" I hope there must be some sort of "street-smart" remedial training somewhere, because she doesn't even have the faintest idea of how to act like a thug. I don't see how they're going to fit in the neighborhood now.

Fun Fact!
The term "Thug" originated as a word to indicate a member of a band of professional assassins who worshiped the Hindu goddess Kali and offered their victims to her.


Anonymous Brenda Love said...

"For another, they apparently have never seen anything even remotely resembling a gang, who, based on local demographics, must be a roaming pack of rabid accountants."

Okay, I snorted Pepsi out of my nostrils when I read this. LOL!

Your friend won't need to act thug now anyway. She's got a gunshot wound, so her street cred rating just went through the roof.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

why do i feel like i knew that?

8:57 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

oh wait! it was from Indiana Jones! i think....

8:57 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

Good choice on the birthday supper location. Did the two of you bake a birthday cake afterwards and then go shopping for a gift.
Unfortunately the gang problems are everywhere. Just the other day a man here was accosted by a gang and punched. Well shoved or something equally distainful..

8:58 PM  
Anonymous rainypete said...

There is nothing more dangers than a bunch of gangsta CPA's. Those guy smake me very nervous.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Larry Jones said...

My own accountant has tried to kill me several times. I've warned him that if he shoots at me again I'm going to start looking for a new guy. Something has to be done about this scourge!

8:58 PM  
Anonymous kosh said...

If you'd like to see how your site would look in gangsta, check this out:

J and I went to the Dish once. I knew the night would be bad when I asked the waitress what white wines they had (because they had no wine list) and she said Cabernet.


I've changed my blog name, it is now "A Stroke From The Brush..."
My original blog name was so very uncreative, and I had no idea what I was doing when I set it up. (And I spelled Brush wrong. Tickgirl caught that one.)

8:59 PM  
Blogger L said...

Brenda: yeah, that's what I told her

Mr. Anigans: now that you mention it, I think that I remember something like that from the movie as well.

Happy&Blue: heh heh. sorry to hear about the gang problem in your neighborhood. And I actually baked an apricot-plum cobbler, not a birthday cake.

rainypete: they should make you nervous -- they might get the IRS to audit you

Larry: that's why I'm trying to spread the word here

Kosh: I rather like "A Stroke From the Bush"-- that title is SO much more provocative And I loved seeing my site in gangsta -- it lent a whole new meaning to my post on bad writing....

8:59 PM  
Anonymous comfort addcit said...

I almost got shot once when I was in grad school. A friend was driving me home through a somewhat dicey area of campus when I heard a loud bang on the roof of the car and saw his face go white. He floored it until we got to a safer area then got out and confirmed that his roof had been hit. I never rode home with him again and consider all the years since then a plus.

8:59 PM  
Blogger L said...

comfort addict: sounds like a close call -- I think my friend feels the same way, as she keeps roaming around assuring everyone "I'm ALIVE! I'm ALIVE!"

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Vile File said...

Yo, rekognize tha realness. Just call me Ms Fizzle.

Fo' sheezy, playa.

8:59 PM  
Blogger L said...

Ms Vile: you bein' such a playa', boo

9:00 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

All this talk frightens my sensibilities! Is that true about 'thug'?
I didn't know Tupac was a 'desi'!

9:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home