Sunday, August 14, 2005

A Charming Weekend, During Which I Join The Forces Of Darkness

This weekend was lovely, charming, and, of course, quite fashionable.

I ate yummy tidbits at Cafe Dufrain, extensively admired the bullet holes in Chad and Cynthia's windows, then wore my third favorite hat to attend Chad's graduation at the University of South Florida.

As it is required by federal law, the university had recruited the most deadly dull speakers they could find-- which meant that some of us were able to have very convenient naps, interrupted only by the airhorn-toting mullet people who attend every graduation in the United States. Luckily, it only lasted about two hours instead of the usual ten.

Afterwards, we ate semi-delicious Italian food, and I solidified my allegience to the forces of darkness...

My friend Chad has an unemployed relative who treats him quite horribly, freeloads off her parents, sponges off her boyfriend, and tries her best to snub Chad and his wife whenever possible (unless a free meal is involved). She also "accidentally" neglects to tell them when the family cancels or moves events, and is abominably rude at all times. In fact, she didn't even bother to attend the graduation, only the dinner for which Chad and Cynthia paid.

So I sat in front of her, introduced myself, smiled extensively and made quite charming conversation: "So, what do you do?" (I knew she's unemployed and doesn't bother looking); "Oh, did you go to U.S.F. too?" (I knew she flunked out of two schools); "Oh, I just love your hair extensions! I've been thinking of getting them myself!"

Then I flirted with her boyfriend, who ignored her for the rest of the meal. Ha ha ha!

*****************************************

To-day I am I cooking an absolutely Evil dinner full of butter, wine, garlic, eggs, sugar, and other things that are terribly bad for you. It's to celebrate Chad's graduation and Cynthia's birthday*

* I swear, this isn't turning into a food blog; I've just been cooking a lot lately

Menu**
1. A new version of my orange zest bundt cake (6 eggs, 3 sticks of butter, and almost 3 cups of sugar!) with oodles of fresh berries
2. Yet another lovely salad
3. Fresh French bread
4. Baked lamb with roasted garlic and red wine sauce, carrots, celery and onions
5. Cynthia's mother's Waldorf salad
6. Champagne!

**recipes available upon request

**************

Now that I am acting and cooking in a completely Evil manner, should I start wearing more black? It seems far too hot to be wearing a glamorous cape of any sort, but I could cultivate a vicious cackle, if necessary. However, I really need to work on an Evil plan for World Domination.

I am willing to take applications for Evil henchmen (or women), if anyone feels they have the proper qualifications. I will need the appropriate information, of course: i.e., the name of your lair, criminal name (if applicable), and of course any pertinent Evil acts you have perpetrated lately. Cheating on tax forms or ripping those little "Do Not Remove" tags off mattresses does not count, as almost everyone does those sorts of things.

All applicants welcome.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Vile File said...

You are Deliciously Evil indeed!
Now you have officially joined the Evil Side, I do think wearing more black is a prerequisite.
Advantage:
*Blood-stains don't show.
*One doesn't look foolish after Labor Day.

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Brenda Love said...

You mean you were actually (*GASP!*)
RUDE???

Good for you! She totally deserved it.

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Larry Jones said...

You wicked, wicked girl! Shall we say cocktails at eight?

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Rhodent said...

You can fix lamb for me ANYTIME!!! I can see that we need to share some recipes. sounds like a get-together with champagne to me!

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

You meanie. And then you go and post about delicious meals and don't offer us some? How RUDE! :) And now I'm hungry.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous herge smith said...

Ahhh, nothing more heart warming than hearing tales of folks getting in touch with their inner evil.

Bless.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Vile File said...

Dear Miss L was not being Rude! A Lady is never Rude! Instead, one resorts to making Innocently Sly And Cutting Remarks. Entirely different.

8:33 PM  
Blogger L said...

Ms. Vile: I did feel a bit guilty afterward. oh well....

Brenda: yeah, she did

Larry: heh heh

Rhodent: the dinner was an experiment for YOU, my dear. I just didn't expect it to turn out so well. I will definitely fix it for you when we can coordinate everyone's schedules...

Carol: sorry about that let me know if you want the recipe, though

herge: yes, I've been doing a bit of that lately

Ms. Vile: You are SO right!

8:33 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

Can you give me the recipe for the champagne.
I have always pictured you as being an evil villian in a nuns outfit so this behavior doesn't shock me in the least.
Perhaps you could dominate the world with tasty food..

8:34 PM  
Blogger L said...

Happy & Blue: ha ha! maybe I WILL dominate the world with tasty food

say, aren't you on hiatus or something?

8:34 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

I'm so glad that you're helping keep the sugar producer in business (cane &/or beet). Evil - naaah - she deserved it.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous comfort addict said...

I think that I'm ready to join your gang. I can wield lethal irony, dangerous sarcasm and unflattering metaphors. I've been too good all of my life and I'm ready to be bad (not too mention that I do a good Darth Vader impression).

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

Wickedly funny, and great pics! I'll be reading your blog in the future! :)

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Anigans said...

welcome to my side of the line!

i'm starting small, right now i'm trying to dominate my bedroom.

8:35 PM  
Blogger L said...

moos: I do try to do my part :)

Comfort Addict: you're hired.

mariana: thank you-- it's always nice to see another blogger who likes vintage images....

mr. anigans: yeah, it's tough starting out as a brand-new villain... takes time to build up a reputation

8:35 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

3 cups of sugar!! 3 sticks of butter!!! I know that's not really so evil for cakes but it sure looks it!

How does this Evil Henchman job pay? Is there dental coverage?
My evil nickname could be Dr. Spock, baby! (that's not taken yet is it?)

8:35 PM  
Blogger L said...

Dr. Spock: it is quite, quite Evil for a cake, I promise you. The Evil Henchman job doesn't necessarily pay all that well at first, but you do get the wonderful perk of everyone quaking in fear at the mention of your name... no dental coverage yet, but we are considering it

8:35 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home