Thursday, August 25, 2005

"Men Are Smarter" Says Study Written By Men For Men

As seen before, this blog is occasionally dedicated to bringing news of up-to-the-minute scientific discoveries to our audience. Today is no exception, and we are proud to inform you of the very latest in scientific breakthroughs: a study that finally proves men are smarter than women.

The study has been lauded by many men, who now have scientific proof of women's inability to understand the finer subtleties of fart jokes and carburetors, beer chugging and shooting at stop signs. And it finally explains why women are always the ones who need to ask for directions.

It has long been a myth that a person's environment and upbringing has something to do with I.Q., but, in fact, cultural factors such as the gender-specific socializing of girls has absolutely nothing to do with it, according to some male researchers such as Dr. Gunther Arschloch. "The idea that women are strongly socialized to believe intelligence is unfeminine, that they are subtly discouraged from advanced educational opportunities -- these are all old wive's tales, if you'll pardon the expression", he said. "Men are just smarter, because we say so."

Dr. Robert Genitalien, another male researcher, agreed. "Men have always known that the larger the breast size, the lower the I.Q., but now we have shown that just having breasts will doom a person to a lifetime of confusion and ineptitude. Based on these results, we are postulating that the act of menstruating may actually cause a person to lose millions of brain cells, but it could also have something to do with having the cooties."

"The idea that different types of intelligence may exist, the idea that men can sometimes be biased -- these are just hysterical rantings", he stated. "The fact is that we're a billion times smarter than women... or even a trillion times smarter.... in fact, we're smarter to infinity!!"

"After all", added Dr. Arschloh, "two heads are always better than one."


Blogger dreamgurl said...

Ha! I think that last quip is the best. (2 heads are better than one). =)

9:38 PM  
Anonymous P Nickle said...

Ahh... very nice

1:06 AM  
Blogger Kay said...

Any German speaking woman has got to love the reference to a pompous male Dr. Arschloch.

1:12 AM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

You just can't argue with scientific facts or the men that create those facts..

1:49 PM  
Blogger -c said...

Hee hee! If menstruation leads to loss of braincells, I wonder what the results of pre-ejaculation are...

3:19 AM  
Blogger L said...

dreamgurl: that's my favorite too

p nickle: thank you

kayten: I think you might be the only one who has caught that reference :)

happy&blue: well, if you can't argue with them, you can at least make fun of them :)

-c: probably much, much worse-- based on evidence we see every day

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

L - you said you wrote this we me in mind...

I can say that as I have aged and gained weight, my boobs have gotten bigger, and I have gotten dumber (I have also colored my hair blonde to help).

I do understand the fart jokes, as I engage in them myself, I understand the purpose of a carburator, and I would like to shoot stop signs myself.

And, I do believe that the monthly bill is causing me to lose what is left of my brain.

However, I refuse to play dumb just to get a hot guy to like me. He must enjoy me for my mind, as well as my body!

Thanks for the laugh. Love ya!


6:19 PM  
Blogger Jim Bliss said...

Heterosexual men are clearly more intelligent than either women or gay men.

After all, we wouldn't dream of spending our lives with a man. You have to be a little stupid to imagine that's a good idea.

3:49 PM  
Blogger L said...

Jim: ha ha ha! I won't comment on that one ;)

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

ROFL. ALthough I may have to agree with the breast size and the IQ thing. I swear my IQ went down 20 points when I got pregnant...and it just so happens my breasts went up 2 sizes. There has to be a correlation :)

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Lisa said...

I wish I could think of something witty to say but, alas, my brain is shrinking by the minute. Luckily, I haven't an ample chest, because I do have two uteri. What does that mean for me? Predestined to be an imbecile, FOREVER.

8:11 PM  
Anonymous comfort addict said...

Personally, I can tell that women are smarter because they just sit back and watch men make fools of themselves with "studies" like this. As Lisa Simpson once said, "it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

8:11 PM  
Anonymous mariana said...

These are the same two "scientists" who proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that "white people are more intelligent than blacks and that criminal traits are genetically inherited." (end quote)

But as far as I'm concerned all is forgiven because "Dr Irwing said he had initially been reluctant to take part in the study, arguing that he would have personally preferred not to have discovered that men had a biological advantage." Phew, that took a huge load off my mind. It would have killed me to think they were biased or prejudiced in any way.


8:12 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

LMAO... now I understand!

8:12 PM  
Anonymous mr. anigans said...

i knew this all along....i'm sorry did you say 'boobies'? ehehheh

8:12 PM  
Anonymous brenda love said...

but don't forget...a good wife always makes her man FEEL smarter!!!


8:13 PM  
Anonymous weary hag said...

After reading this, I feel so enlightened! Oh wait, silly me - can't be, it's my time of the month. I must just THINK I'm feeling enlightened. Yeah, that's it.

8:13 PM  
Blogger L said...

Carol: then I must be a genius :)

Lisa: yes, it's so sad, isn't it :O

Comfort Addict: Lisa Simpson is a very smart cartoon

Mariana: it's interesting... you know, it wasn't that long ago that doctors said women shouldn't be educated or participate in rigorous physical activities, because it would make them infertile

Rhodent: I thought you might like this one

Mr. Anigans: you are SO easily distracted

Brenda Love: heh heh

Weary Hag: :)

8:13 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

This is a scientific breakthrough indeed! I will be writing a letter shortly to Ms. Marilyn Vos Savant to rub it in her face.
Ah, and the subtlety of the humor in your cartoon is not lost on me. Women, please let me know if you need some explaining.

8:13 PM  
Blogger L said...

glomgold: heh heh

8:14 PM  

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