Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I'm not REALLY a Superhero; I just play one on T.V.

From Jim Bliss, that very mysterious young man in London:
(You can read all about his doomsday prophecies here)

The Superhero Meme

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? (Assume you also get baseline superhero enhancements like moderately increased strength, endurance and agility.)
I would like the power to cloud and control men's minds.
This would enable me to amass a vast loinclothed army of servants who will do my laundry, wash my dishes, tell me how beautiful I am, vote against the Republican party, and cook exotic gourmet dinners. Plus, that sort of thing could come in handy if one is looking for cheap and meaningless sex, which of course I wouldn't do, that's very bad, and really, I'm just saying if. However, the baseline superhero enhancements such as moderately increased strength, endurance and agility would also come in handy for that sort of thing. I'm just saying.

2. Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you fancy, and why?
Wolverine, Spiderman and Catwoman. I think those are self-explanatory.

3. Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you hate?
I loathe Supergirl in the most completely heartless manner you could ever possibly imagine; she's insipid, plastic, and far too perky for her own good.

4. What would your superhero name be? (No prefab porn-name formulas here, you have to make up the name you think you'd be proud to mask under.)
Every time I try to think of a SuperHero name, I can only come up with SuperVillain names instead. And really, I would much rather be a SuperVillain because:
A.) plotting revenge is fun
B.) why should we waste all the good technology on science and medicine?
C.) I can't be good ALL the time

My SuperVillain name could be something like The Malevolent Iron Queen or perhaps The Nefarious SuperVixen. I was totally going to choose something like "Pat Robertson" or maybe "Paris Hilton", but those names were already taken.

I would wear a shiny black catsuit with a glittery utility belt, mask and dangerously pointy boots. Thousands of evil henchmen would be at my beck and call, and my signature weapon would be the ZS-4500 Super Kill-O-Zap Ray Gun with sniper accessories. My lair would be in Washington D.C., because that's where all the fashionable SuperVillains live these days.

5. Is there an "existing" superhero with whom you identify/whom you would like to be?
From strictly a fashion standpoint, I really have to choose Batgirl, who is quite svelte and wears adorably slinky little catsuits and shiny capes. Also, her boots are smokin' hot, and she has enough room in her utility belt for mints and chapstick. Not only that, but her mask always makes her look slightly confused, which describes me most of the time. Just the other day I accidentally drove to Tarpon Springs while trying to reach an appointment on Bearss Avenue. Although I'm not as bad as my brother, I have also been known to completely space out on things like the day of the week, people's names, my telephone number, and whether or not I am, in fact, due at a meeting in five minutes.

To be honest, though, I really just want to be Darth Vader.

Tomorrow on Random_Speak: Finding Self-Fulfillment and Joy While Cleaning!
(Same bat-time, same bat-channel)


Anonymous Larry Jones said...

This is too good to be true! You get what? Muscles, and stamina, and you get to pick another power? Wow! Flying? Invisibilty? X-ray vision? OK, I'm gonna say the super ability to name the artist and release date for every R&B record ever recorded. Take that, Lex Luther!

9:31 PM  
Anonymous jpr said...

Hmmm. Can I tag myself for this meme? Although, like you I trend towards supervillainy (is that a word?) so it really woouldn't be a superhero meme.
Also, there is a question missing. There is nothing about sidekicks and cohorts. Everybody knows that a good superhero/villain has a sidekick/evil cohorts.
I stand by my previous blog....oompa loompas for me.

9:32 PM  
Blogger L said...

Larry: now THAT sounds deadly :)

jpr: you should TOTALLY tag yourself for this meme, and please include a question for henchmen/sidekicks. Go ahead and make it a SuperVillain if you want. I await the results with bated breath.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Happy and Blue said...

What is bated breath. Is it like bait breath which sounds disgusting.
You would make a great villian. And you would look so cute in your villian costume with your utility belt or fanny pack as they are called in Canada..

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I would wear a shiny black catsuit with a glittery utility belt, mask and dangerously pointy boots."

Hmmm... sounds like someone has their fantasy fest costume all picked out.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

I can so see you as the female version of Wolverine! Otherwise maybe catwoman.

9:33 PM  
Anonymous rhodent said...

P.S. I would definitely want to be able to fly!

9:33 PM  
Blogger L said...

happy&blue: bated, not baited
bated breath = holding your breath or breathing much lighter :)

rhodent: yeah, wolverine has some wicked claws...

9:33 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

Am a total Wolverine fan, dark, brooding, moody guy with rapier like claws, capable of disembowelling a Pat Robertson at 20 feet. The costume would be important as all super heroes have a kick butt costume and as far as side kicks, choose someone funny, bumbling, and a bit foolish.

Me, I would be Bumfuzzled Man, able to confuse the issue in a nanosecond, leap to conclusions in a single bound, and stop a speeding success with a flickering thought. My sidekick would be Bumfuzzled Girl. She would just have to be cute.

9:33 PM  
Anonymous phil said...

If I were a superhero. Well I would be the Great American Hero. I think that he was the quinesental superhero. He actually acted the way we would act if we were given real superpowers, looking like a dumbass. I think that knowing aliens would count for something especially the conversations you would have.("Aint that right Blip nob.") And last but not least The coolest theme song: Sing it with me "Believe it or not I'm walking on air I never thought I could feel this freeeee... Flying away on a wing and a prayer, oooohhh ooohh its mee. Believe it or not Its just meeeee...("I know aliens Biatch!!!")

9:34 PM  
Anonymous phil said...

I just realized it's the Real american hero.

9:34 PM  
Anonymous MCD said...

i'd have to be silver surfer...
most powerful superhero in the known universe, former herald to galactacus, constantly chromed out... and to top it of, his real name is Norrin Radd...

can't beat a guy who's name is Radd!

9:34 PM  
Blogger L said...

mark: are you related to me or something ? if not, it sure sounds like it.

phil: I used to watch that show-- I loved how he always made such a dork out of himself.

MCG: sounds rad

9:34 PM  
Anonymous moos said...

Finally, finally - haloscan is working for me - or is it me? Who knows? Who cares? I'm commenting - hooray!

Holy Baffled Batgirl! Is the mask too tight - or what?

9:35 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

Ah. Superheroes & supervillains. Can there be anything more grand? Though you may be correct about Batgirl's style, she herself was really quite a pain in the ass, no?

9:35 PM  
Anonymous The Doctor said...

Batgirl was scrumptious, but no one can top Electra-Woman and Dyna-Girl. Ah, a young lad's first taste of tight-fitting spandex, just the tonic to get those puberty hormones rolling.

9:35 PM  
Blogger L said...

moos: the mask just may be too tight, or she may just be an airhead

glomgold: yes, she may have been a pain in the ass, but she sure was fashionable :)

The Doctor: Dyna-Girl? I don't remember that one... sounds very chic though

9:36 PM  

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