Monday, December 11, 2006

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,

How are you doing? I see you've put on a few pounds since last year. Ha ha ha!

I still haven't killed anyone yet. I am fine.

I have been very, very, very, very good ALL year, and I
followed all traffic laws and local, county and federal regulations at all times. I did not run about shrieking and flinging pencils during meetings. I didn't pretend to faint when asked for an update, start fires when given agendas, or otherwise make a nuisance of myself. I was a very Good Citizen and mostly did my very best to flirt with inappropriate men behave on every possible occasion.

You seem to be senile, so I would like to bring your attention to the fact that last year I requested a musical instrument, which you neglected to bring me: a pico-something... pico.. piccol... piccolo... uh... gigolo. Yes, that's it-- a gigolo. I do hope you don't have Alzheimer's remember to bring my gigolo THIS year, as I'd like to start playing one right away. I need all the practice I can get.

In addition, I would like the following small items:
1. a pony
ninja skills a yachting trip
3. a trained monkey
4. my very own ice cream shop
an AK-47 twenty five silk dancing frocks
6. a private movie theatre with red velvet seating
7. a lifetime supply of various cheeses
8. a personal assistant
millions and millions of dollars an end to Poverty
the ability to cloud and control men's minds World Peace

I will include additional items in a convenient addendum to follow later.

Hugs and Kisses!

-- L

Labels: , ,


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the ol' guy is slipping and probably needs to start wearing Depends. I asked for a .50 caliber last year and he brought me a fruitcake. Dangit!

10:03 PM  
Blogger Chickie said...

I love your letters to Santa. And I hope you get all that you asked for!

9:41 AM  
Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

I hope you get your gigolo. Everyone needs to learn a musical instrument.
Perhaps you could play with your gigolo while riding your pony. If Santa smartens up this year that is..

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Craig said...

Hmmmm. I think you're asking for too much. Its important to remember that the holiday season is about giving. Myself, i don't want much. I am asking for just one thing - god-like powers.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha, very funny!!! Your desire for a pony reminds me of that Seinfeld where Jerry rips into people who own a pony...well, I won't tell you the whole story, if you remember you know it's funny!

7:26 PM  
Blogger Bitch | Lab said...

zomg. this was hilarious. practice makes perfect! Santa, help a girl out!

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You rock, kiddo. If I had a publishing company...

12:36 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas..

10:51 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

Wishing you a Happy New Year..

7:11 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

No new posts in quite some time, you must be too busy with your new ninja skillzz.
Happy (post)holidays.

9:48 AM  
Blogger L said...

frustrated writer: that stinks! I hope things are going well with you these days

chickie: I even got a pony! (stuffed). btw, I love your avatar-- did I ever tell you that?

happy and blue: nope, he missed me again this year! oh well, gigolos are a total pain anyway, and I think I'm better off without one. Happy New Year and Merry Christmas to you too!

glomgold: I am getting back on track -- I promise!

craig: ooh! that's what I need too! don't forget First Friday

Sebastien: I remember that episode -- freakin' hilarious

bitch/lab: and he never listens to me...

comfort addict: if you had a publishing company and actually published any of my drivel, you'd have the torch-carrying mob at your castle door, I'm afraid :)

10:36 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home