Thursday, November 02, 2006

Random_Speak: the Next Generation!

As everyone knows perfectly well, November 1st marks the beginning of NaNoWriMo. *However, I've decided to refrain from inflicting a perfectly dreadful novel on the blog-reading public this year. I'll just inflict a perfectly dreadful blog post instead.

Meet Björn and Gretchen.

Britta, Lars, Bill and I were oozing our way through the Ripley's Believe It Or Not! museum, when we decided to use their image-morphing booth to see what offspring we would produce. Björn, the Swedish crack baby, is the love child of Lars and Britta, who decided to break off their relationship immediately afterwards. Gretchen is the three year old transvestite produced in a lab using Bill's and my genetic material and a faulty syringe.

Björn apparently has a bit of a problem with wetting the bed and biting strangers, but luckily his parents are taking him to a competent psychiatrist. Despite the sociopathic personality, he seems to be adjusting well to his absolutely enormous forehead and that horrible shirt he's wearing. In addition to his fashionable Yoda-like ears, Björn also has twelve toes, which makes him quite a hit with the ladies.

Gretchen, quite sadly, is as bald as a billiard ball, but has taken to wearing rather luxurious wigs. Although her promiscuous behaviour can be rather trying at times, her winning personality and prehensile tail make her quite popular at parties. In addition to being the latest accordion prodigy, she spends her time obsessing over staples and toothpaste.

We plan to introduce the two youngsters at an appropriate age so they can begin breeding the future alien-human hybrid race as soon as possible.


* Check out the hilarious NaNoWriMo forums! Ha ha ha ha! I love them! Here are just a few of the latest topics -- and they're only on day 2! I MUST participate next year.

"I need a brand new deadly virus! Can you help me think of one?"
"How do you get in contact with the underworld?"
"Knitting or weaving with cat hair"
"What mental condition do these symptoms sound like?"
"Stab wound recovery"
"Anyone on Resperidone?"
"Flooding Manhatten"
"What would happen if you ate only coconuts?"
"names for a hedgehog"
"how big an asteroid do you need to kill humanity?"
"more meth questions"
"so, if I throw a dart at your artificial leg"
"Plot outlined, not enough sex?"
"What the hell would be in a kitchen in the year 600 AD?"

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