Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Brief Primer on Acquiring Charm

As all Fashionable Young Ladies know, one must work at acquiring Daintiness and Charm.

The Random_Speak Charm School, which leads the blogosphere in its commitment to ladylike daintiness and polite refinement, now offers a brief course that includes the art of genteel deportment, civilized flesh reduction, and womanly decorum. While lesser competitors focus solely on stiletto heel fitness or proper wifely duties, we remain the only organization that is fully committed to all aspects of Daintiness and Charm.

We proudly offer the widest variety of flesh-reducing garments, which are specifically tailored to enable every young lady to fit delicately into even the finest of dancing frocks. Exquisitely designed and manufactured from only the highest quality rubber, we guarantee that your flesh will be quickly and quietly reduced, with a bare minimum of failure or death.

Our patented Scientific Beauty Culture course introduces only the finest and most sensible methods introduced by the world's foremost specialists! A variety of accessories can be tailored to meet all needs, including our proprietary combination chin-lifter/voice-minimizer!

And we use only the most up-to-date chemicals and preservatives to increase the feminine attributes, which are the most necessary for any young lady who wishes to be seen in Polite Society or catch a Husband.

We also provide personal electric spot reducers that can remove those troublesome blemishes, such as the stomach or face. Lab-tested with a 100 point system of safety, these products work wonders!

Of course, the most important aspect of acquiring charm is our seven day crash course on all that is feminine and dainty. Lessons in womanly deportment, modesty, and grace are also accompanied by introductions to the correct opinions and modes of fashion. In no time, even the weariest hag can be transformed into a fresh-faced young Lady.

Enquire now, as space is limited.


Blogger Flaurella said...

Love your blog! You slay me and to make it even better, you are a Floridian living in my old stomping grounds. I check your blog every day.

Rock on!
Your devoted fan ~

10:04 PM  
Blogger Rainypete said...

Glad to see you haven't let these old products slip away. Today's so called "scientific progress" seems to think these are unnecessary, but we know better.

8:04 AM  
Blogger baby daddy said...

I was sooo pleasantly surprised when I saw on CNN yesterday that "man flab" is in! Do the good folks at Random Speak have any products to help with my flabbiness?

11:35 AM  
Blogger Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

This is really an incredible site! Anyone who makes me laugh AND think at the same time is after my own heart! I'm adding you to my favorites!
Tom Degan

7:39 AM  
Blogger # said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:20 PM  
Blogger L said...

Flaurella: thank you! I'm glad you enjoy reading :)

rainypete: yes, although I think some of the modern "beauty" conveniences definitely rival the monstrosities of the past (anal bleaching, anyone?)

baby daddy: apparently, man flab has always been in, so you're good to go!

Tom: thanks for the compliment! I'm glad I made you laugh instead of cry :)

10:22 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home