Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Which country should we attack next?

As a Concerned Citizen, I would like to know.

Now that we've practically accomplished the mission in Iraq, many are speculating on which country we should liberate now. Currently Iran is in the lead, with rumors of increased clandestine activity indicating an intensification in planning for a possible major strike there. Lists of targets have apparently been created, and military advisors are supposedly considering a sustained bombing campaign to free the Iranians.

But who should we liberate after that?

Regardless of the nuclear option, the list of targets should probably expand, and North Korea is only one of many. In fact, some have suggested that we need to free the people of Venezuela as well-- not only does their dictator hate freedom and America, but he also has a stranglehold on their oil, which can only be seen as an act of aggression. France is also at the top of the short list, due to their suspicious cuisine and a dangerous tendency to speak only in French.

Additionally, while others point to Canada as the largest looming menace, with its vast natural resources and socialist leanings, others prefer that we use "smart" bombs to free Mexico, thereby solving the pesky immigration problem once and for all. In fact, the last century saw our government already beginning to prepare for this inevitable and necessary liberation of targets such as Vancouver and the oil fields of Tampico.

However, while steps should be taken to release these countries from their oppressors, it should not be forgotten that an underestimated threat sits at our very doorstep.

New Mexico: the Lurking Menace

Many may not realize that New Mexico's regime is one of the greatest threats to the American way of life. This so-called "Land of Enchantment", obviously indicates by its very motto that it harbors subersive, New Age, and possibly communist elements. In fact, many people who live there do not speak English! And their flag of red and yellow is a thinly veiled homage to the old red and yellow Soviet flag with the hammer and sickle!

Most disturbingly of all, New Mexico is a leading producer of uranium ore and has already formed a program for creating weapons of mass destruction. As far back as 1942, the regime has stealthily been researching, producing and detonating nuclear weapons!

If the order were to be given for an attack, any American combat troops operating in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, France, Venezuela, Mexico or Canada would have to be in position to free any critical targets in New Mexico with whatever means necessary: laser beams, bombs, armored tanks, stealth fighters.... while always keeping in mind that civilian casualties can be kept to a minimum if we encourage ethnic tensions and undermine the regime.

There are those who will protest that diplomacy can solve the problem, but New Mexico has so far proven itself unwilling to make concessions. It has become apparent that only military force can meet this threat, liberate the New Mexicans, and make the world safer for democracy.

Let us hope that it works.


Anonymous tim said...

I want Antigua and Barbuda, buy one get one free!

Am I the only person so disgusted at this point that I have just recoiled away from politics in general?

9:25 PM  
Anonymous greywulf said...

Well said :)

Of course, what we really need to do is topple New Mexico's evil regime. That's the real source of the problem. Only than can they make small steps toward democrary.

4:37 AM  
Blogger Cap'n Rich said...

Yeah! You guys just better watch it! You are getting democary whether you want it or not.
L, beware of being whist away in the middle of the night...uh oh! Someone's pounding on my door with what sounds to be a rifle butt.Good byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

5:35 AM  
Blogger citizen shelly said...

I think we need to liberate Belize so I can go and live there.

6:42 AM  
Blogger Mark Base said...

I'd like to nominate Sweden for your next attack. It's getting rather boring here.
Plus, while you're here you can fill up on meatballs, and bring back lots of flatpack furniture.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Martian Anthropologist said...

Free the USA! Free the USA!

10:19 AM  
Blogger Cap'n Rich said...

I wanna another chance to comment. My last comment was too flippant for the subject.

L, you are right on every account. I saw every one of your points reported on the News here and there.

Take heed people. Tim don't give up on politics until we kick the madmen out.There is plenty we can do now that the polls show the creeps are being reconized for the thieving crooks that they are.


I hope we can get the fuckers out of there long before the election. IMPEACH AND JAIL THEM ALL! THEN TORTURE THEM UNTIL THE TRUTH COMES OUT!

George W. thinks he's tough. Ha! We the people are tougher by a damn site.

10:55 AM  
Anonymous John said...

War is murder. War solves nothing. America should attack no one... So much I could say here, but this will do! :)

12:39 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Yes, New Mexico has to go. After that: Vermont -- the state that brought us Howard Dean, Phish and gay marriage. Not only that, but some local governments in Vermont are urging Congress to impeach Bush. They're threatening our Great Leader. We need to invade now, and deliver the fear of God to those Heathens.

5:10 PM  
Anonymous ender said...

every time i think i can't possibly find the slightest bit of extremeness to make me not despair anymore ... i run across something like this.

thank you.

i can't WAIT until we get this idiot out of office. (and tim, i know exactly how you feel!)

8:56 PM  
Blogger L said...

Tim: no, you're not the only one... I keep recoiling in disgust, but I can't help peeking at the political news, just as one can't help the occasional rubbernecking in traffic I suppose

Greywulf: thank you :) Perhaps if we increase ethnic tensions in the area, the New Mexicans will overthrow their government FOR us

cap'n rich: flippant, sarcastic and/or snarky are all perfectly welcome here :) And I agree with your sentiment

Shelly: you know, Belize doesn't sound like a bad idea

mark from sweden: yum! the meatballs sound delicious. but what's flatpack furniture?

martian anthropologist: you might want to be careful-- mars could be next!

John: I agree. And pre-emptive defense sounds more like offense to me.

Tom Harper: you are SO right about Vermont! I've been there, and it's FULL of granola tree-huggers!

Ender: (I love that book, by the way) you are welcome. Thanks for stopping by :)

11:10 PM  

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