Saturday, March 25, 2006

Is it too late to stop the war on Easter?

Apparently, despite all the publicity and obscene amounts of military spending, no one was able to prevent the treasonous liberals from utterly destroying Christmas in an unholy war last year.

As almost everyone knows, Christmas had been long under siege by secular progressives and scheming humanists -- until they finally won the battle and completed the destruction of that most precious of retail holidays.

The result?

Last December no one decorated trees, no one attended church, no presents were given, no eggnog was drunk, no one gave to charity, no carols were sung, and all those fuzzy glitter pom-pom reindeer sweaters went unsold. The only lights seen in the night were the small arms fire of liberal guerillas as they patrolled the streets and burned Bibles. It was a tragedy of epic proportions, the bloodbath was enormous, and small children everywhere will never recover from the horrific experience and post-traumatic stress syndrome.

The question on everyone's minds now is: Is it too late to stop the war on Easter?

Already, the signs are there. Fox News Channel has already uncovered evidence about the liberal media, activists, lawyers, and educators who are leading this war on Easter. And it appears that the situation is worse than any of us ever imagined.

In years past retail stores would normally have 100% of their shelf space devoted to plush bunnies, plastic bunnies, pop culture devotionals, plastic crosses, plastic eggs, Peeps, ceramic bunnies, bags of fake grass, plush chicks, more Peeps, plastic chicks emerging from eggs, ceramic crosses, ceramic eggs, cheery religious guides, even more Peeps, millions of baskets, winsome Jesus figurines and tons and tons and tons of candy. But now that figure has dropped to nearly 96%! Not only that, but gay people are trying to infiltrate the holiday by bringing their children to the White House egg hunt, and some department stores are no longer requiring their employees to say 'Happy Easter' !

But all hope is not lost.

Millions of Americans are starting to fight back against the secular enemy, against those who will not celebrate-- and someday soon we will take back this country!

After all, none of our Founding Fathers were Jewish.


Blogger Mariana said...

I'm glad to hear they're waging war on Easter. I always knew all that talk about bunnies and eggs was code for unnatural intercourse between species that were never meant to reproduce among together, i.e., a covert endorsement of homosexuality. Think about it, L! Join the right side!

6:33 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Of all makes sense now...

8:15 PM  
Blogger L said...

Mariana: omygod! I never realized!

mr. fabulous: well, I should hope so :)

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Psychotic Patriot wanders by, returns the visiting favor, thinks he's reading some fine wit and snark, bookmarks, blogrolls, and walks softly down the hall with the TechnoBabeā„¢. Nice place ya got here.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

War on Easter?? These pagan liberals have no shame. Cadbury Cream Eggs, chocolate Easter rabbits with hollow heads that turn into shrapnel when you bite into them -- this is our sacred holiday as God intended. Those godless heathens don't know who they're messing with.

3:16 AM  
Blogger roselle said...

what, pray tell, are peeps???

2:52 PM  
Blogger L said...

James Raven: thank you! I shall return the favor, of course

Tom Harper: Cadbury eggs :o

atractiva: you don't know what Peeps are? here's a linky thing for ya!

11:31 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

4% drop? That's huge! I accidentally heard some Rush Limbaugh on the radio the other day and I think he might have been spewing bile regarding this very issue.

12:36 PM  

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