Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Feeling Rather Peevish To-Day For No Particular Reason...

Also Petulant, Disconsolate and Slightly Perturbed

But at least I've got my thesaurus handy!

It could be due to a lack of berries and nookie, or possibly the result of a lingering and political malaise....

There's been wild talk of impeachment here and there, of course, but I don't think we've advanced enough medically to make spinal transplants viable for donkeys. In the meantime, to cheer myself up, I'm reading amusing anecdotes about a number of other highly unsuitable persons from American politics past and present.

1. Peter Bowen, who unsuccessfully campaigned for governor of Missouri in 1998, stated that rock music "stimulated sexual frenzy", denounced sheep for spreading AIDS by coughing, and accused the FBI of framing right-wing citizens for credit card fraud. He is also noteworthy for announcing that the birthmark on Mikhail Gorbechav's forehead was, in reality, a Satanic "mark of the beast".

2. U.S. President Ronald Reagan is said to have made numerous and important decisions, such as the invasion of Grenada and the bombing of Libya, based heavily on the advice of astrologers. After this was made public, Speaker of the House Jim Wright noted "I'm glad the President was consulting somebody. I was getting worried there for a while." Reagan was also noted for such hilarious quotes as "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles"

3. Pat Robertson, who was unsuccessful in his bid for the Presidency, is noted for general weirdness as well as his alarming propensity for apparently deranged quotes. He warned the city of Orlando, Florida, that it was likely to be hit by hurricanes, terrorist bombs, or "possibly a meteor" because it allowed a gay pride month. He also called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez and once implied that that a nuclear device should be used to wipe out the State Department.

4. Josua Norton, who proclaimed himself "Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico" in 1859 was noted primarily for his insanity and elaborate blue uniform. Currency issued in his name was honored in several places in San Francisco, and he issued several imperial decrees, one of which declared the abolishment of Congress.

5. Emil Matalik, who nominated himself as a Presidential candidate in 1975, pushed for a maximum of one tree and one animal per family, saying that there was an "excess of animals and plant life, especially trees." He apparently saw the Presidency as a step towards his final goal of a World Presidency, which would operate from a world capital in Bennett, Wisconsin.


I have to say, however, that failed politician Louis Abalofia doesn't sound too bad: he also ran for U.S. President in 1975. The only campaign literature he distributed displayed a nude photo of him with the slogan "I have nothing to hide".

3 Comments:

Anonymous tim said...

Now, now, now. Emperor Norton was a cool guy. He doesn't really belong with those other jackasses.

Also, today's pinup.. uh, hot. Hoooot.

1:07 AM  
Anonymous TC said...

Ditto the pinup. Don't make 'em like they used to. Woohoo!

I thought the mark on Gorbachev's head was in fact a Band-Aid covering the '666' mark...no?

4:44 AM  
Blogger L said...

Tim: they all have their plusses and minuses, I suppose... except for Pat Robertson; he's all minuses.

TC: the pinup seemed to be expressing my mood at the time:) and with Gorbachev-- who knows?

2:07 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home