A Chilly Saturday, During Which We Set Out to Discover America

A friend and I decided that Saturday would be the Perfect day to explore the Oldsmar Flea market, where we might discover Unique and Unusual gifts for the discerning individual. Also, we wanted to see, as the Oldsmar Flea Market banner proudly proclaims: the flea market that is the "Mightiets in the South!"


And really, we cannot argue with that.

In fact, not only are they the Mightiets!, but they may also be the most Crowdde!, Clutterde!, and Noisiets! as well.

However, behind the humble facade lies a plethora of riches that were previously beyond my wildest imaginings. Not only did they have stuffed alligators and a genuine monkey-clown museum, but they also had banana-shaped harmonicas, hula hooping singing dolls, life-sized preserved buffalo, green frog backscratchers, decorative plastic lighthouses, collectible beanie babies (For Sale! Reduced Price!), highly dangerous-looking pistol crossbows being purchased by five year old criminals, seashell earrings, hunting knives, purple polyester sequined tube dresses, bright red cowboy boots, painted saw blades, sixties costume jewelry, survivalist gear, bizarre porno mags, adorable puppies and homely babies (not for sale!).

It was while I perused the collection of decorative glass bottles shaped like naked women and filled with multi-colored sand that I reached an Epiphany.

"Cynthia", I told my friend, "THIS is America! THIS is what America is all about! America is banana-shaped harmonicas and decorative dolphin toilet plungers! America is plastic dolls that hula hoop and sing 'I want you Baby'! It's funnel cakes, Hello Kitty nail clippers and papier-mache frogs wearing Santa hats! You just can't get this anywhere else!"

They finally had to calm me down with egg rolls, fortune cookies and french fries.

I found some rather interesting presents (which I can't describe yet, because people read my blog), as well as big poofy crinoline(!) and a magazine of classic Vargas pinups for myself.

Later, I wore an absolutely Enormous hat and trotted on over to my friend Stephany's hat party, ate many small cakes, discussed horror movies and tried to fend off highly offensive commentary from someone's father.

To-day I am eating gobs of peppermint ice cream.