Saturday, December 17, 2005

A Chilly Saturday, During Which We Set Out to Discover America

A friend and I decided that Saturday would be the Perfect day to explore the Oldsmar Flea market, where we might discover Unique and Unusual gifts for the discerning individual. Also, we wanted to see, as the Oldsmar Flea Market banner proudly proclaims: the flea market that is the "Mightiets in the South!"

And really, we cannot argue with that.

In fact, not only are they the Mightiets!, but they may also be the most Crowdde!, Clutterde!, and Noisiets! as well.

However, behind the humble facade lies a plethora of riches that were previously beyond my wildest imaginings. Not only did they have stuffed alligators and a genuine monkey-clown museum, but they also had banana-shaped harmonicas, hula hooping singing dolls, life-sized preserved buffalo, green frog backscratchers, decorative plastic lighthouses, collectible beanie babies (For Sale! Reduced Price!), highly dangerous-looking pistol crossbows being purchased by five year old criminals, seashell earrings, hunting knives, purple polyester sequined tube dresses, bright red cowboy boots, painted saw blades, sixties costume jewelry, survivalist gear, bizarre porno mags, adorable puppies and homely babies (not for sale!).

It was while I perused the collection of decorative glass bottles shaped like naked women and filled with multi-colored sand that I reached an Epiphany.

"Cynthia", I told my friend, "THIS is America! THIS is what America is all about! America is banana-shaped harmonicas and decorative dolphin toilet plungers! America is plastic dolls that hula hoop and sing 'I want you Baby'! It's funnel cakes, Hello Kitty nail clippers and papier-mache frogs wearing Santa hats! You just can't get this anywhere else!"

They finally had to calm me down with egg rolls, fortune cookies and french fries.

I found some rather interesting presents (which I can't describe yet, because people read my blog), as well as big poofy crinoline(!) and a magazine of classic Vargas pinups for myself.

Later, I wore an absolutely Enormous hat and trotted on over to my friend Stephany's hat party, ate many small cakes, discussed horror movies and tried to fend off highly offensive commentary from someone's father.

To-day I am eating gobs of peppermint ice cream.


Anonymous Professor Twain said...

Mightiets? I have driven by that sign about 1,000 times and been through every inch of the place and NEVER noticde that!

A couple of years ago I gave a quadriplegic friend his dream Christmas gift from the OFM--a switchblade knife that he could open by himself. Unfortunately he cut himself rather badly closing it with his teeth.


9:37 PM  
Blogger roselle said...

mmmm flea markets!!!
mmmm peppermint ice cream!!!

so jealous at the moment!!!

3:28 PM  
Blogger L said...

My Dear Professor: it was on a very large Might Mouse banner inside one of the main thoroughfares -- next to a small stage... I'm giggling at your quadriplegic friend's dilemma. If I were a quadriplegic, I'd like a switchblade I could open myself as well

atractiva: as well you should be :)

8:08 PM  
Anonymous tickgirl said...

I really hope you got me the bright red cowboy boots, seeing as you already got me the life-sized preserved buffalo last year.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

Now there's one thing you don't have in Portugal, don't ask me why: fortune cookies.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue said...

You really are like a superhero. By day you are a mild mannered geek and by night you don a hat and rescue tacky items from art galleries and flea markets all the while fending off objectionable comments from not so kind gentlemen.
Just like a superhero would do. Except for the saving people part. Unless you count removing weird things from the public eye. Which I will count this time only to make my point more valid..

11:14 PM  
Anonymous april said...

I'm so glad you had a good time!

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Lisa said...

Wow, all this time I thought Columbus discovered America -- that's not true?!?

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Green Eyed Lady said...

You're escapades always sound like so much *FUN*!!! Irony: We love peppermint ice cream and actually still have some left in the freezer from an emergency "therapy" run for my youngest daughter. You're welcome to stop by for a few scoops. It's my 1 yr Blogaversary today! I didn't name people by names by you and your mom are two of the people I've "known" quite long via blogging.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous NPR Junkie said...

Oh, your life sounds so much more exciting than mine! Even with the flea market misspellings. I wish I were closer to do fun things with you.


11:15 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

wow, i totally love peppermint ice cream. so jealous...

11:15 PM  
Blogger L said...

tickgirl: uh, too late

mariana: that's really too bad! fortune cookies are the BEST

Happy&Blue: Yes, I am definitely a Superhero-- just don't blow my cover

April: I did indeed

Lisa: nope. there were already people living here at the time, so I'm sure THEY knew about it before Columbus did. And, of course, I discovered it in a much more fashionable manner than he ever did

Green Eyed Lady/Silver Moon: Congratulations on your blogiversary! Keep those posts coming

NPR Junkie: well, I have to admit that sometimes I have to make my own fun around here!

Mark: It was so good that I'M jealous of myself too

11:15 PM  
Anonymous glomgold said...

Ah I love flea markets. I once had a banana-shaped harmonica but it disappeared. Perhaps that's my spittle on the one being sold at that flea market.

11:15 PM  
Blogger L said...

yes, flea markets are the best!

11:15 PM  

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