Only 58 Shopping Days Left Until Christmas!

Today, leading economists reported that the American Consumer leads the world in spending like a crazed loon strengthening the economy.


"When inflation goes up, the American Consumer buys ultra deluxe and enormously plasmatic high-definition televisions. When unemployment reaches an all-time high, the American Consumer buys the latest sports utility vehicles with luxury spinning rims and shiny chrome", stated Dr. William Roth of the Institute of Concerned-Looking Economists. "Quite frankly, we're amazed!"

According to his recent report, the American Consumer will just keep spending and spending, with no end in sight. "We're already four months into the Christmas shopping season, so it's remarkable how we can just keep buying ceramic mermaid salt and pepper shakers, ipods, motorcycles, Jessica Simpson cds, collectible spoons, golf clubs, Louis Vuitton handbags and the Harry Potter books," he said. "In fact, the data suggests that consumer confidence and spending will only continue to grow exponentially as we get even closer to the holidays!"

A predicted reluctance to buy big-ticket items, fears of job loss, gasoline prices, inflation and the lack of further reductions in interest rates did not dampen consumer confidence at all, according to the report. "The Federal Reserve previously lowered interest rates and the American Consumer saw this as a good time to make purchases --even though consumer debt is at an all-time high," stated Roth. "In fact, the American Consumer owes more than could ever possibly be repaid in one lifetime! But this can only strengthen the economy!" he added.

The income of the American Consumer decreased by 3.1 per cent in October, boosted mainly by high medical insurance payments. "This plunge in growth and income, as well as the lack of savings, had absolutely no effect on spending habits" added Deborah James, chief economist at EconoRama.com. "There's absolutely no stopping it!" she said. "There will continue to be more and more spending, as well as a huge increase in credit card debt and a decrease in savings. Isn't this the best country in the whole world?!"

Economists expect that nothing will stop consumer spending this year, even as the federal deficit continues to grow exponentially. "We expect that the deficit will soon become self-aware and begin crushing everyone in its path," Roth said, "but that should only add to fourth quarter profits in the technology sector! Consumer confidence in laser guns and invisible stealth tanks is at an all-time high!"

In other news, the Labor Department also reported that the number of unemployed fell slightly after Hurricanes Katrina and Wilma, proving that the labor market is in a really terrific mood.

When reached for comment, Federal Reserve Board chairman, Alan Greenspan, stated "Nothing can stop the economy!!! Buy shoes and television sets! Buy hats! Buy a pony!"