Wednesday: I Decide to Become a Famous Artist

As my completely fabulous vacation has been cancelled due to inclement weather, I have decided to take a couple of days to muck around with some paints and things.


And I have decided that nothing is stopping me from eventually becoming a filthy rich and famous artist, who lives in Barbados and keeps a bevy of buff gigolos at her beck and call. It really only requires a teensy bit of good marketing.

The only problem is that I have absolutely no tattoos, pink hair, tongue piercings or punk rock outfits. Additionally, I can't decide if I want to be a nihilist- vegetarian- lowbrow- outsider artist, a feminist- new-age- pop-expressionist artist, or a paranoid- postmodern- nudist- performance artist. But I won't let that stop me; after all, everyone knows that constructing a really clever "artist's statement" is really the best way to inform critics and collectors alike that I am an undiscovered genius worth cultivating.

I fiddled around a bit with wording and basically came up with a couple of really strong artist's statements that I could possibly use. I'm just not sure which one really represents me, which is rather tiresome.


Examples:
1. My current work informs a neodeconstructivist paradigm of consensus and the textual paradigm of discourse, a subject which is contextualised into a conceptualist construction including culture as a whole. This construction is a predominant concept in the distinction between creation and destruction, both of which are interpolated into a semantic theory that includes reality as a reality.

2. The raison d'etre of the artist is a reconstructed, precultural feminism that takes as its theme the semioticist absurdity and subsequent dialectic of capitalist narrative, filtered through the gaze of the postmodern observer. I borrow this underlying theme of 'neotextual rationalism' to denote the role of the observer as a nihilist participant in outdated perceptions of society-- a society that is merely a legal fiction both fundamentally absurd and intrinsically impossible.

3. My oeuvre is focused primarily on the 'textual paradigm of context' to denote the mythopoetical totality within both class and narrativity. In a sense, the premise of semioticist feminism implies that the significance of the artist is significant form, but only if sexuality is interchangeable with consciousness. I follow a postdialectic model of cultural appropriation and deconstructivism which, paradoxically, has little objective value. Conceptually, the subject is contextualised into a semantic theory that includes consciousness as a totality.


I'm just trying to decide which one is the most meaningful.