Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wednesday: I Decide to Become a Famous Artist

As my completely fabulous vacation has been cancelled due to inclement weather, I have decided to take a couple of days to muck around with some paints and things.

And I have decided that nothing is stopping me from eventually becoming a filthy rich and famous artist, who lives in Barbados and keeps a bevy of buff gigolos at her beck and call. It really only requires a teensy bit of good marketing.

The only problem is that I have absolutely no tattoos, pink hair, tongue piercings or punk rock outfits. Additionally, I can't decide if I want to be a nihilist- vegetarian- lowbrow- outsider artist, a feminist- new-age- pop-expressionist artist, or a paranoid- postmodern- nudist- performance artist. But I won't let that stop me; after all, everyone knows that constructing a really clever "artist's statement" is really the best way to inform critics and collectors alike that I am an undiscovered genius worth cultivating.

I fiddled around a bit with wording and basically came up with a couple of really strong artist's statements that I could possibly use. I'm just not sure which one really represents me, which is rather tiresome.

1. My current work informs a neodeconstructivist paradigm of consensus and the textual paradigm of discourse, a subject which is contextualised into a conceptualist construction including culture as a whole. This construction is a predominant concept in the distinction between creation and destruction, both of which are interpolated into a semantic theory that includes reality as a reality.

2. The raison d'etre of the artist is a reconstructed, precultural feminism that takes as its theme the semioticist absurdity and subsequent dialectic of capitalist narrative, filtered through the gaze of the postmodern observer. I borrow this underlying theme of 'neotextual rationalism' to denote the role of the observer as a nihilist participant in outdated perceptions of society-- a society that is merely a legal fiction both fundamentally absurd and intrinsically impossible.

3. My oeuvre is focused primarily on the 'textual paradigm of context' to denote the mythopoetical totality within both class and narrativity. In a sense, the premise of semioticist feminism implies that the significance of the artist is significant form, but only if sexuality is interchangeable with consciousness. I follow a postdialectic model of cultural appropriation and deconstructivism which, paradoxically, has little objective value. Conceptually, the subject is contextualised into a semantic theory that includes consciousness as a totality.

I'm just trying to decide which one is the most meaningful.


Anonymous Professor Twain said...

You say that you hope to be a "filthy rich and famous artist, who lives in Barbados and keeps a bevy of buff gigolos at her beck and call"

You need some more realistic goals.

How about staying true to your art and becoming a "poor and starving artist, who lives in Tampa Bay and keeps a devoted bikini clad professor available for booty calls"?

Your ever adoring fan,
Professor Twain

7:48 PM  
Blogger L said...

heh heh heh... yeah, that bikini photo is HAWT!

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Lippy said...

They're all just so deep and meaningful, I can see your dilemma. However, I would posit that "mythopoetical totality" has a certain je ne c'est quoi to it, don't you think? You're sure to be wildly rich and famous before you know it! Cool.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

What? No using a black French beret to indicate that you are an artist? Tsk, tsk... How's the world gonna know you paint otherwise?

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Lisa said...

I am not convinced that these are your original ideas for artist statements as I'm sure that I've read similiar writings at galleries numerous times before! In fact I read a particularly interesting one, like these, by my younger cousin who graduated with two majors, Art and Philosophy. I may have to let you read it. It completely confused me :)

9:50 PM  
Anonymous r* said...

A bevy of buff gigolos?! Shut up!!

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Larry Jones said...

This is classic. The best part? The skewered will be none the wiser.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous none said...

A double major in art and philosophy? Man! That guy must be RAKING it in!

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Happy and Blue said...

Ha. I love comments.
I think you could be a painter nun who dates buff men and keeps a monkey as a pet.
It would be easier to remember that role..

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Rhodent said...

So what are you working on now? I still love that stick picture you did of Koko is college... and the dead roach... and infinity woman... and lots of others... can't wait to see you latest!

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Weary Hag said...

Golly L, I just don't know.

But thank you for reducing me to a sniveling third grader as I sit here with my double digit vocabulary.

You sure know how to hurt a gal.

9:51 PM  
Blogger L said...

Lippy: I can't wait!

Mariana: oohh.... I didn't think of that. I shall have to add a tiny black beret to my extensive hat collection

Lisa: ha ha! I bet it made for some amusing reading, though

r*: don't you know that I'm completely serious on that one? EVERY fashionable young woman needs a bevy of buff gigolos. How else will she get regular maintenance?

Larry: I don't know about that... I do tend to be very non-subtle

none: you'd be surprised, actually

Happy&Blue: I do too. I think they're the best part of the blog. And your suggestion is indeed a good one.

Rhodent: believe it or not, I'm currently working on a slightly twisted pinup painting

Weary Hag: I'm sorry if I've made you even wearier than you already are :)

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Comfort Addict said...

I'm trying hard to get to a place where a paradigm is only what I used to use to make a phone call.

9:52 PM  
Blogger L said...

comfort addict: har har har :)

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Mark said...

hmm, since I suck at art I think I would be happy with anything you produced. Do you finger paint? I actually understand finger painting. Or the dogs playing poker stuff, I can understand that too. The rest that you are considering, I have to side with WH and say... "really?" as I nod my head in a faux knowing pattern.

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Green Eyed Lady said...

Delicious tongue in cheek post, L.
As you know they scan that artist statement with one swoop of their eyes in about 5 secs flat. Best of luck!
An artist whose hair is currently un-pink- no comment on the body piercings

9:52 PM  
Blogger L said...

thank you :)

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Famous Artists said...

While people may have different views still good things should always be appreciated. Yours is a nice blog. Liked it!!!

10:29 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home