"Moving Out"

I accidentally went to a musical last night-- and I absolutely LOATHE musicals! All those perky people scampering, singing, skipping, dancing and hopping around onstage make me want to move to Guam, where I am quite sure they do not have musicals of any kind.

My lovely friend Jeanna invited me, but I misunderstood and thought that "Moving Out" would be an interesting PLAY. But no, "Moving Out" is not a play. "Moving Out" is a big perky Billy Joel extravaganza filled with singing, scampering, skipping and perky love scenes. The actors all gaze meaningfully into each other's eyes while other actors start melodramatic dance-fights and slide across the stage in blue jeans.

My legs fell asleep for two hours.

I just don't "get" musicals. They're horribly annoying and not nearly as cool as operas, which are basically trashy Jerry Springer episodes set to classical music. (Perhaps the exception to that is Wagner-- which is just a bit too Wagnerian for me. I can't stand all those big beefy German women singing about what frail and delicate flowers they are)


Let's just run a little comparison, shall we?

* * * * Musicals VS. Operas * * * *

Musical: Cats
(perky felines sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Faust
(sex, poison, Satan, murder, Evil spirits, prison)
Winner: Faust

Musical: Les Miserables
(perky poor people sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Tosca
(sex, politics, torture, betrayal, murder, suicide)
Winner : Tosca

Musical: Hairspray
(perky teenagers sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: The Ring of the Nibelung
(sex, treasure, sex, magic curses, monstrous serpents, murder, adultery, betrayal, suicide)
Winner: The Ring of the Nibelung

Musical: Jesus Christ Superstar
(perky Biblical characters sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Don Giovanni
(sex, kidnapping, murder, a walking statue that kills people, damnation)
Winner: Don Giovanni

Musical: Oklahoma!
(perky Westerners sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Aida
(sex, warfare, slavery, treason, a couple who are buried alive)
Winner: Aida


Even if you take handicapping into consideration, opera takes down musical every time. The sex and violence factor is just so much higher. And you can really only watch so many perky skipping people without seriously becoming a danger to society.