Friday, January 14, 2005

"Moving Out"

I accidentally went to a musical last night-- and I absolutely LOATHE musicals! All those perky people scampering, singing, skipping, dancing and hopping around onstage make me want to move to Guam, where I am quite sure they do not have musicals of any kind.

My lovely friend Jeanna invited me, but I misunderstood and thought that "Moving Out" would be an interesting PLAY. But no, "Moving Out" is not a play. "Moving Out" is a big perky Billy Joel extravaganza filled with singing, scampering, skipping and perky love scenes. The actors all gaze meaningfully into each other's eyes while other actors start melodramatic dance-fights and slide across the stage in blue jeans.

My legs fell asleep for two hours.

I just don't "get" musicals. They're horribly annoying and not nearly as cool as operas, which are basically trashy Jerry Springer episodes set to classical music. (Perhaps the exception to that is Wagner-- which is just a bit too Wagnerian for me. I can't stand all those big beefy German women singing about what frail and delicate flowers they are)

Let's just run a little comparison, shall we?

* * * * Musicals VS. Operas * * * *

Musical: Cats
(perky felines sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Faust
(sex, poison, Satan, murder, Evil spirits, prison)
Winner: Faust

Musical: Les Miserables
(perky poor people sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Tosca
(sex, politics, torture, betrayal, murder, suicide)
Winner : Tosca

Musical: Hairspray
(perky teenagers sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: The Ring of the Nibelung
(sex, treasure, sex, magic curses, monstrous serpents, murder, adultery, betrayal, suicide)
Winner: The Ring of the Nibelung

Musical: Jesus Christ Superstar
(perky Biblical characters sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Don Giovanni
(sex, kidnapping, murder, a walking statue that kills people, damnation)
Winner: Don Giovanni

Musical: Oklahoma!
(perky Westerners sing, dance, skip and scamper around onstage)
Opera: Aida
(sex, warfare, slavery, treason, a couple who are buried alive)
Winner: Aida

Even if you take handicapping into consideration, opera takes down musical every time. The sex and violence factor is just so much higher. And you can really only watch so many perky skipping people without seriously becoming a danger to society.


Blogger A Fashionista said...

You're just as cynical as me. LOL
Check out my blog.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geez, L. Opera. Did it have to be opera? I know their voices are superbly trained and all, but where's the soul?
I'm right there with you on musicals, though. Why don't we just go to a bar, where there's a cajun band?

3:36 AM  
Blogger Larry Jones said...

Who's that that Anonymous person? It's me, too sleepy to click the right button...

3:45 AM  
Blogger L said...

cajun is awesome... but blues is awesomer

5:37 PM  
Blogger Frally said...

I am in the minority but I love musicals! There are days where I think, "Wouldn't life be great if everyone just burst into song for no reason?" And so I try to at every available opportunity. The added bonus is that it is a highly effective people repellant.

7:34 PM  
Blogger the frog princess said...

... because of this post i'm trying to decide whether to listen to the soundtrack from les mes, jesus christ superstar, rent, gypsy or newsies. there's also jekyll & hyde: the musical, which happens to be on hdnet right this very minute. ahh, musicals. hehe.
but then, operas are good too. :D

11:35 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

What about a tragic musical?

4:55 PM  
Blogger L said...

it may just be that West Side Story completely warped me for life...

12:21 AM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

What if there was some sort of magical musical that invloved heavy violence and sex? Like Die Hard, the Musical. I hear that Titanic was made into a musical? And I saw Phantom of the Opera with Paul Stanley (lead singer of KISS) as the Phantom. I wrote about that on my blog if you wanted more info!

2:26 PM  

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