Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Dinner With Auntie... Racing Pigs

My Aunt the Golf Fiend invited me to have dinner with her at her club in St. Petersburg tonight. Typically this involves cocktails, strawberries and crowds of ladies with canes and capris. The view and the food were lovely, and our melodramatically British non-British waitress served us red wine in basketball-sized glasses that made me want to dribble. I was quite keen on all the model ships and antique sextants and things they had lying around, but I was somewhat less keen on seeing old guys wearing Unfortunate jackets...

We had a marvelous time with an old school friend of hers and discussed an upcoming outing to the Plant City Strawberry Festival, which is a veritable smorgasbord of fried twinkies, strawberry shortcake, fried Snickers bars, strawberry pie, fried Oreos, strawberry ice cream, fried funnel cakes, chocolate covered strawberries and fried (!) strawberries.

Additional fair attractions are generally the Chinese acrobats, the 4H cow costume contest, the dog obstacle course and Robinson's Racing Pigs. The Robinson's Racing Pigs are the best fair show of all time, however. They all have names like "Zsa Zsa Gaboar" and "Hillary Rodham Clintham", and they run laps and steeplechases for Oreo cookies. They even have their own Robinson's Racing Pigs theme song, banners, calendars, mugs and bumper stickers.

When I first saw them, I really wanted one of my own -- they're SO cute! But then I remembered what happened when a college friend named Stacy bought a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig named Fred....

Stacy: "And this is Fred..."

L and Kim: "Oh my GAWD! He is SO cute!"

Fred: (snorts)

Kim: "Ooh, ooh -- can I hold him?"

Fred: (belches)

Stacey: "Sure, just make sure you hold him firmly"

Kim: (picks up Fred) "Oh, he is so..."

(completely hysterical, legs flailing, ear-piercing screams)

Kim and Stacey: "OH NO!"

(voiding a spectacular shower of excrement ALL OVER the dining room floor)

L: Yuck


Blogger Ron Southern said...

Every once in a while somebody on TV brags about pigs, how smart they are, how clean they are. Apparently, they don't know about the damn shower of excrement!

3:52 PM  
Blogger L said...

yes, apparently we completely freaked out poor Fred. I've never been the same since

9:31 AM  

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