Friday, February 09, 2007

Bonus Beauty Ad Blogging!

Are you still Single? Is it because you're not Enthusiastic? Not Slim? Then just follow our new regimen of AIDS AYDS treatment to look lovelier than ever before! People all over the world use AYDS to lose weight "the way Nature intended you to!"

Acquiring AYDS isn't at all difficult; in fact, anyone can get it-- even a child! "Easily and naturally you should begin to look slimmer, more beautiful day by day." No beauty regimen-- no sacrifice-- is too great to look perfect, and there is no such thing as being too thin!

Get AYDS today!

After successfully reducing with our patented AYDS weight loss system, why not try our marvelous new complexion treatment? Subscribe to our program, and you too can look ten years younger after removing your top layer of skin!

Three out of four dermatologists agree that the skin on your face is the most likely to develop wrinkles-- so why not remove it?

After all, our product is still legal in twenty four states and most South American countries.

Not only do we offer the state-of-the-art skin removal treatment, but (for an additional charge) we also provide a licensed "Complexion Counselor" who will follow your progress and encourage you in your skin removal efforts.

Just send us five easy payments of $29.99, and Buddy Rogers will visit your house and remove the last remaining vestiges of your self-esteem, you ugly cow.

You will never be lonely again.

We also provide in-depth "follow up" face powder tests to ensure that your face is thoroughly covered in makeup at all times.

Sure, it's strange, but how else will you ever hope to capture a man? Our strange face powder test provides positive proof that you can look younger and lovelier; the thicker your layer of face powder, the more easily you can hide your actual face!

Only our completely modern system is capable of measuring the exact thickness of the cosmetic layers on your skin. You just can't trust anyone else!

Additional products we provide include the *Burnett cocaine hair salve, which is the only absolute cure for dandruff and scalp irritation. Not only that, but you will see increased energy, mental alertness and a strong decrease in appetite!

* side effects may include increased heart rate and blood pressure, as well as respiratory failure and cardiac arrest.

To construct convenient hair for those busy girls on the go, the Burnett cocaine hair salve is typically combined with our amazing new cleansing-agent-- Halo shampoo! Halo shampoo brings a lovely sparkle to your hair and varnishes it so firmly to your scalp that you will never have a stray hair out of place again!

Ride in a convertible! Go swimming! Run gaily about in hurricane-force winds! It doesn't matter! Your hair will remain both thrilling and secure-- so crisp, so elegant, so perfect -- as if it's molded from only the most beautiful and state-of-the-art polymer substance.

For those who prefer the more traditional look, we are delighted to offer our luxury soap made from only the very finest of ingredients: tar. Yes, our ultra-thick and sticky tar will completely prevent your hair from leaving your scalp!

In no time at all, you will notice an incredibly long mane of hair that barely looks ratty or frizzy, and absolutely -- positively-- cannot be removed!

Packer's Tar Soap (physician recommended)-- it isn't just for asphalt anymore!

Don't forget to send away for our free catalog!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever hear of Pear's Soap...when I was in college, that was the first product I had to write ad copy for and I've always remembered it.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always wondered what happened to the AYDS diet plan. I remember the timing was rather unfortunate, as it had begun to establish itself in the market right around the time AIDS was identified.

I guess some advertising/marketing folks kinda had their careers slammed over that one!

11:33 AM  
Blogger L said...

Mushy: never heard of it, actually. I bet it wasn't as good as the Burnett's cocaine hair salve though :)

Carmi: Yeah, talk about an unfortunate choice of name!

4:01 PM  

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