Saturday, February 12, 2005

A Nerd Herd, A Belly Dancer And A Naughty Merlot

A co-worker has irresponsibly left me in the lurch by leaving the company, so about thirty of us formed a Nerd Herd and wandered over to a flashy sports bar to wish him Good Riddance and Good Luck. Pasty tech geeks milled around aimlessly, staring suspiciously at the remnants of sunlight, discussing disk space and 64-bit testing, drinking beer and generally being disruptive.

A few of us left early to stuff our faces with baklava at a Tampa restaurant resembling Disney's version of the Middle East-- sterilised and cheerful with exciting music. We didn't have to endure any inconvenient Disney employees dressed as Goofy or Mickey, but we did see a wonderfully foxy belly dancer named **Margarita, who had a real belly! She shimmied and jiggled around the room, doing terribly interesting things with her navel, chiming these clicking little castanet things and throwing scarves at people. Chad, Cynthia and I tipped her by being charming and shoving bills at her waistband, but Stephany was stuck sitting there; she didn't have any cash, and you can't just go around swiping credit cards through belly dancers' armpits.

Of course, I was the only loser who hadn't been to Morocco or Lebanon or Saudi Arabia... so I had a terrible time pronouncing most of the menu, which seemed to consist mainly of things like hassafrass, ouvlashakkala, ganasha-baba, baklava, manesha-glawalala la, blah blah blah... On top of unpronounceable appetizers, the waitress served us adorable beers, yummy lamb bits, Middle Eastern french fries and nice squishy desserts. We also munched on a sweet Turkish coffee filled with black mystery syrup and coffee grounds that covered our teeth when we smiled.

Somehow I managed to fling my cous cous all over the place, which I tried to pretend was a festive Lebanese ritual celebrating the rites of spring...

A couple of us also ordered a very entertaining little Merlot, which was rich and heady with a good body and a rather naughty sense of humor. I am no sommelier, but I could tell it had a wonderfully effervescent personality with a harmonious combination of charm and wit. Althought it began the evening in a rather austere manner, it displayed a smooth balance with legs and a rather large nose that ran.

As the evening progressed however, the Merlot grew slightly less balanced, began slurring its speech and became slightly more forward. We barely managed to prevent it from attacking the waitress at one point, and it became even more of a nuisance when it began singing La Marseillaise and throwing stale croutons at the other diners. It stumbled around in a drunken stupor, insulted the chef, peed behind the curtains, then finally passed out beneath the table as we snuck out the door...


** If you are evil and bored and have nothing better to do, try a random perusal of this model list site-- although you may want to poke your eyes out afterwards.... Mixed with the more attractive people you will also find the Horribly Inappropriate, the Odd, the Doubtful, the What Was Her Mother Thinking?, the Uncharming, the Inexplicable, the Bizarre and the Completely Painful


Blogger gina said...

Frally sent me, she ays hello.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Posts like this are why I LOVE your blog. If you're not published, you should be.

2:30 PM  
Blogger the frog princess said...

Thank God there's no more bowling ball. Not that I don't like bowling balls, mind you, but good golly miss molly! I tried your links but they are blocked by my company in accordance with the company policy. oi. home later then!

2:49 PM  
Blogger The Doctor said...

You can meet the darndest people when you least expect to ;-)

5:37 PM  
Blogger Larry Jones said...

The Nude With Guitar is totally off the wall. I would like to know where that left-handed ES335 came from, and how the player is going to get at his knobs when he plugs an instrument cable into the poorly-placed jack.
(Ha - I said "get at his knobs.")
What I'm saying is, I don't think that guitar exists in the real world.
Love your merlot schtick. I once knew a cabernet with an attitude.

8:21 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

L! You've been drinking again! You know that you have those hallucinations every time you over do! You know you are supposed to stick to Champagne. Tsk, tsk. And those lovely pictures... at least they were better than staring at that bowling ball!

I'll forgive you if you fix me a batch of peppermint ice cream!:o)

You might be interested in knowing that I am already a slimy molusc.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

You really are more of a flappery bird.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Rhodent said...

Thanks for the Dave Barry link. Just re-read his hurricane season bit... had read it before, but it still makes me laugh EVEN AFTER last hurricane season. I bet that you could give him a few pointers on being a professional evacuee.

Still hoping for my peppermint ice cream :o)

11:31 PM  
Blogger Nyx said...

L, how did you know what us Lebanese women do with our cous cous at this time of year? My dining room floor is literally covered with the stuff although I'm bringing in autumn and not spring. Just wait until easter and the annual falafel fling, then the walls match the floor and the house is co-ordinated - lebanese style.

ps. You must introduce me to your naughty merlot friend, what a jolly fellow he seems.

12:25 AM  
Blogger cesca said...

"Nerd Herd" - LOL! I love it!

5:30 AM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

I think that I've met that Merlot a few times. I won't tell you about the wicked Mavrodaphne that seemed to follow me from taverna to taverna all over Astoria.

Now I'm hungry...

The models are too bizarre.

10:43 AM  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

What a fabulous post!

I'm picturing this little Merlot bottle mascot now. He needs his own cartoon.

Love the models too.

6:40 PM  
Blogger L said...

thanks for the compliments :) I hope no one is mentally disturbed after looking at that model site...

llcoffee: I had NO idea you were Lebanese :)

rhodent: I will make my famous peppermint stick ice cream sometime soon, I am sure....

7:50 PM  
Blogger glomgold said...

Perhaps you can simulate being at those locales by sprinkling some sand, crude oil, a couple billionaires, and some brain sandwiches around you. I guess I can now honestly tell some of the "less-attractive" people I know that they look like models, and not be lying!

10:03 PM  

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