Thursday, October 05, 2006

What the fashionable fascist is doing for fall

Now that Congress has voted a great big YES! to Fascism in America (hooray!), those who are *tres chic and au courant have asked: what was so terrible about oligarchy democracy anyway, and what should the fashionable fascist be planning for fall?

As usual, we here at Random_Speak have the answers to these and your other pressing questions!

First of all, no one will argue with the fact that almost everyone hated our democratic process, not just the terrorists. I mean, how boring was it? And how else will we conquer all those swarthy people unless we have a really strong Leader? Of course, that's all we really need to say about that.

Your Fall Fashion Checklist

1. First of all, khaki is back in! (really, really, really in)-- also, brown shirts!

2. Be proudly anti-liberal, which has always been one of the true hallmarks of Fascism

3. It does help to be blonde, although not strictly necessary

4. Men: don't forget to be militantly nationalistic! Old-fashioned patriotism is not enough and is really just for sissies. To display your masculinity and nationalism, try strewing flag and eagle imagery about the house for a truly festive look. Buy even more guns, and don't be afraid to toss out last season's knick knacks. Also, now is the time to buy that Hummer you've been eyeing.

5. Women: don't forget to throw away those birth control pills! We all must do our duty to please our Leader and keep producing strong little soldiers for our country. Maternity clothes are the new black this season

* of course, you are no longer allowed to use words like tres chic and au courant. Sehr Schick and zeitgenössisch are to be preferred

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Anonymous Craig said...

If maternity clothes are the new black this season then camo is the new plaid.

Don't pussy foot around with American flags and eagles. Rock a Confederate flag to take the intolerance level over the top. It goes great with a gun rack in the window of your pickup truck.

5:13 PM  
Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

The real question here is are fascists allowed to wear hats..

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, if fascists get to wear berets, I'm in!!!

I'm very embarrassed to admit this, but I don't even own one gun. To make up for this lack of masculinity and militarism I'm going to buy myself an automatic machine gun. And a 456 Magnum so I can be juuust like Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry!!!

3:09 AM  
Blogger L said...

Craig: heh heh.... yeah, camo is totally the new plaid

Happy and Blue: I think they are only allowed to wear little Nazi hats or something

Sebastien: I actually got to shoot a machine gun at a range once -- very fun, but sort of painful too

9:32 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Yes, I'm glad you mentioned that French will be strictly Verboten! Under our new efficient regime, any American caught speaking that sissyfrog language will be rendered to Uzbekistan for some serious torture.

3:26 AM  
Blogger L said...

Tom -- heh heh heh! Yeah-- and I still can't over that stupid "Freedom Fries" thing either. What idiots

10:12 PM  

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