What the fashionable fascist is doing for fall

Now that Congress has voted a great big YES! to Fascism in America (hooray!), those who are *tres chic and au courant have asked: what was so terrible about oligarchy democracy anyway, and what should the fashionable fascist be planning for fall?

As usual, we here at Random_Speak have the answers to these and your other pressing questions!

First of all, no one will argue with the fact that almost everyone hated our democratic process, not just the terrorists. I mean, how boring was it? And how else will we conquer all those swarthy people unless we have a really strong Leader? Of course, that's all we really need to say about that.


Your Fall Fashion Checklist

1. First of all, khaki is back in! (really, really, really in)-- also, brown shirts!

2. Be proudly anti-liberal, which has always been one of the true hallmarks of Fascism

3. It does help to be blonde, although not strictly necessary

4. Men: don't forget to be militantly nationalistic! Old-fashioned patriotism is not enough and is really just for sissies. To display your masculinity and nationalism, try strewing flag and eagle imagery about the house for a truly festive look. Buy even more guns, and don't be afraid to toss out last season's knick knacks. Also, now is the time to buy that Hummer you've been eyeing.

5. Women: don't forget to throw away those birth control pills! We all must do our duty to please our Leader and keep producing strong little soldiers for our country. Maternity clothes are the new black this season




* of course, you are no longer allowed to use words like tres chic and au courant. Sehr Schick and zeitgenössisch are to be preferred