Thursday, February 03, 2005

Limericks, Vintage Pin-Ups, Assorted Miscellanea

Today I trotted on over to a musty little antiques store and rummaged around their piles of ceramic poodles, hat pins, stereoscopes, rhinestones, ugly vases, toy soldiers and baby carriages. I was actually looking for a humongously poofy 1950s skirt crinoline, but alas they did not have one. I am sadly without a poofy crinoline, tasty cheese, a private jet, a gigolo, champagne and shampoo. Will this saga never end?

More terrible news: I fell in love with a box of adorable vintage 1950s Vargas pin-up playing cards, and they were ALREADY SOLD. I consoled myself by purchasing two cute vintage pin-up magazines (Titter and Beauty Parade). They are hysterically funny and feature assorted lingerie-clad women acting coyly shocked at being found in deshabille. Bonus features: Bettie Page photos and Charles Atlas He-Man advertisements!


Also purchased a rather fun telephone book-sized collection of limericks ("This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise. Of the 1700 printed here, none is otherwise.") Because, as most people know, a book of limericks is quite a useful thing to have around the house; you never know when it might come in handy. The book also includes educational footnotes and chapters based on topics like "Excrement", "Diseases", "Oral Irregularity", "Abuses of the Clergy" and "Assorted Eccentricities".

My favorites so far:
A farmer I know named O'Doole
Has a long and incredible tool.
He can use it to plow,
Or to diddle a cow,
Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

A girl attending Bryn Mawr
Committed a dreadful faux pas.
She loosened a stay
In her decollete
Exposing her je-ne-sais-quoi.

Dirty Limericks
Clean Limericks (if you really want to bother)
Limerick Discussion Page
Polish limericks
Physics limericks


Tech Geek Quote Of The Day

DBA#1: "You can either spend half a day showing them how to do it and another three weeks constantly answering questions, or you can just take half an hour and write the code for them."

DBA#2: "Well we should teach them HOW to fish instead of just feeding them every day"

DBA#1: "You can teach them how to fish, but they still won't know how to write code."


Blogger Larry Jones said...

Let me guess: You're Geek #2?

1:09 AM  
Blogger Frally said...

There once was a girl called L
Who emitted a pungent smell
Even though she was stinky
(The smell was quite kinky)
She was actually rather swell

Do you think I should write to editors of your limerick book and see if they want to include my work in a new edition?

1:11 AM  
Blogger JODSTER said...

Around here, we try to make things idiot-proof, but they keep making better idiots.

2:39 PM  
Blogger L said...

I was Geek DBA#3, laughing hysterically.

Frally, you should TOTALLY send that one in!
Here's one for you :)

There once was a young lass named Frally,
Who said "I want muffins, by golly!"
She baked some quite quickly,
(They made her quite sickly).
She's in bed-- the result of her folly.

**** Do you realize HOW DIFFICULT it is to make a limerick with the name "Frally"?! DO you??

10:30 AM  
Blogger Frally said...

L - Thanks for the recipricol limerick. Frally is a sucky name for rhyming. If it helps, my real name is Tallulah*. I bet you can think of A MILLION things that rhyme with that.
*Not really my name

4:33 PM  
Blogger Solarwind said...

Sad, but true. As I found out the hard way (being a geek myself), it's just easiest to do it all yourself. Plus you get extra job security :P

6:39 PM  
Blogger Jim Bliss said...

Despite being a man of the people and friend to the stars (TM), I'm always compelled to admit to my own inner geek whenever the subject of limericks is raised. In highschool myself and my best friend used to see who could compose the best limerick summarising whatever book or play we'd just read.

Jeeez. Not only a geek, but a literature geek...

With a dagger King Duncan was slain,
by MacBeth (who was then just a thain);
He then topped his best friend,
drove his wife round the bend;
And finally went quite insane.

6:30 PM  
Blogger L said...

Jim Bliss: You are awesome. I bow to your superior limerick-ness of grandiosity.

You have also shown me the error of my ways... here I was writing dorky little book reviews (with meal recommendations) on my other blog, when I SHOULD have been writing limerick reviews instead. What was I thinking?


7:48 PM  

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